Honey DippED
by JicamaJig
Summary: Marie grows tired of her sisters' antics and finds a new friend in Nazz. Warning: Slash. Yuri. MariexNazz. Chapter thirteen now up. Includes a special guest appearance! Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Honey DippED**

"Uh-oh." Nazz paused from refreshing her make-up to listen to the din erupting outside the bathroom. The Kankers' unmistakable voices volleyed in the hallway.

"Marie! Come here!"

"No!"

"Marie!"

"No! Do it yourself for once!"

"Dammit, Marie!"

"NO!"

Marie burst through the bathroom door, slammed it and locked it. A clatter of fists banged against it.

"Open this door!"

"Drop dead, Lee!"

"Oh, big tough Marie on the other side of a _locked_ door…"

"Yeah? Well, big tough Lee still can't kick it down, so HA-HA!"

Marie turned sharply from the door and scowled at Nazz upon realizing she wasn't alone. Her face softened after a moment.

"S'cuse me, Princess. I gotta' take a break."

Nazz grinned nervously. "No worries."

Marie stalked past Nazz and perched on the other end of the bathroom counter. She reclined against the mirror for a moment and took a slow deep breath. Then she dug into her pockets for a pack of cigarettes and tapped them against the counter.

"Smoke?"

"Ah… No, I-I don't," Nazz whispered nervously.

"You mind?"

Nazz knew better than to answer in the affirmative. She shook her head.

"Good."

Marie produced a lighter from another pocket and lit the end of her cancer stick. She closed her eyes and dragged on it, but she looked like she was taking more air in through her nose than from the cigarette. She coughed. It was obvious Marie was still getting used to the habit.

Seeing Marie absorbed with the cigarette, Nazz tried to edge for the bathroom door. Marie glanced at her.

"You might want to hang out for a sec. Lee'll hit anything that comes through that door."

"Oh," Nazz looked around nervously. "Right."

The break bell sounded in the hallway. It was obvious she wasn't going to make it to class.

Marie coughed and gestured at the counter with her cigarette. "Have a seat."

Nazz obediently set her books down and tucked herself onto the opposite end of the counter. Even as uncomfortable as the situation was, she still managed to look cute.

"So, what's your story?"

"Huh?" Nazz looked quizzically at Marie.

"How come you're in here? Nobody uses this bathroom."

"Um…" Marie's statement was precisely the reason Nazz liked that bathroom. No boys tried to sneak in when she used it. "It's never crowded."

"Yeah." Marie flicked her ashes into the sink. "No teachers, either. You could do whatever you want in here."

Marie took another semi-drag and stared off into space for a minute. "Dating anybody?"

"No. Not really."

"What about that one guy?"

"Who?"

"What's his name? Keith or whatever?"

"Kevin?" Nazz blushed and tittered. "We're not going out."

"I see you with him all the time. I just figured, you know."

"No. We're just friends."

"Do you like him?"

Nazz thought for a moment. "He's okay, I guess. I don't know. I can't really picture us dating."

"You don't like jocks?"

"Well…" Nazz shook her head. "He's not very complicated."

"Yeah." Marie took another pull on her cigarette. "So, you like brainy guys?"

"I don't know. I guess so."

Marie looked at her squarely. "Like Double-D?"

"Um… I really," Nazz shook visibly. "I'm not really into any guy that goes here."

"_Diplomatic_," Marie smirked. "You can tell the truth, you know. It's just us."

Marie coughed again.

Nazz peered at her, "Do you really like those things?"

Marie glanced at her and studied the cigarette for a moment. She eventually grimaced. "Nah. Not really. Mom smokes when she's pissed."

"Oh," Nazz let her guard down a bit. "How come you're mad? If I can ask?"

"My sister's an idiot." Marie paused for a moment, then continued with malaise. "She keeps makin' me spy on Eddy and do stuff to him. I don't even like him. Then she's always on my back about crap and I'm sick of it. If she cares so much about something, she can do it herself. I got my own stuff I wanna' do."

"Like what?"

"I dunno. Something else."

"Like with Double-D?"

"Pbththt." Marie rolled her eyes. "You know what?" Marie adjusted her position on the counter and angled her self more toward Nazz. "I'm bored with all of them. I mean, it's the same thing all the time. We surprise them. We kiss 'em till our lips are numb and they run away home. Then the next day, Lee's all like, 'C'mon, we gotta' get 'em again. C'mon, let's go spy on 'em. Let's get our love on!' I mean WHAT_EVER_. Seriously."

Marie stubbed her cigarette out on the sink. "Don't ever have sisters. They're a pain in the ass."

Nazz giggled. "You don't have to do what they want all the time, do you?"

Marie sighed. "It's really pathetic, but I don't know what else there is. Lee bosses us around and we always hang out with her. She's so boring. I'd love to have some other friends." Marie paused and sighed. "But, I guess I've pretty much screwed myself around here, eh?"

"Oh, I don't know," Nazz thought for a moment. "You could hang out with me."

Marie leered at her. "Serious?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"What about your friends?"

"What about them?"

"Well, you know… I have a reputation."

Nazz waved it off. "I'll deal with them. Don't worry about it. Come over to my house later and we'll find something fun to do." Nazz caught herself. "That is… If you want to."

Marie grinned. "You got it, Babe." Marie jumped off the counter. "Wanna' see if my stupid sister left?"

"Sure." Nazz picked up her books and started walking toward the door.

"Hold up," Marie put her hand on Nazz's shoulder. "Let me go first. I can take her if I have to."

__________

End of Part One.

All characters in this story are property of Danny Antonucci, AKA Cartoon and Cartoon Network.


	2. Chapter 2

**Honey DippED, Part Two**

"Nazz! Where were you?" Kevin wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Social Studies was weak without you."

Nazz undraped his arm from her shoulders. "Really, Kev. You don't have to do that every time you see me."

"But you look so good there."

"Please. Spare me the cheese!"

"Cheese? Where is this cheese? Rolf has no cheese!"

Nazz giggled. "Sorry. I had to see the Nurse."

"Oh," Kevin pulled away. "You're not sick right?"

"No-no. I just had a headache. I asked her for an aspirin and then she wanted to talk. Not a big deal."

"Good. Cuz' bein' sick is a total drag."

"Tell me about it."

"So, doing anything after school?"

"Oh, I'm really tired Kevin. I just want to go to bed for a while."

Kevin's face turned deviously amused.

"_Alone_, Kev."

_

Marie still wished to avoid her sisters and went to class just to stay away from them. She imagined Lee destroying her various additions to the Boiler Room. She didn't care. She heard Edd and Eddy conference briefly before taking their seats. She watched Edd for a while. Was there anything about him she honestly liked? Most of the time, she only bothered with him because her sisters went after the other Eds. She didn't want to be left out.

Marie turned her glance toward Nazz, whom she'd often secretly gazed at. She wondered if her offer was sincere. Nazz caught her staring and winked.

-

Nazz happily closed the door on another school day and set her books down on the kitchen table. Her parents wouldn't be home from work for a few hours; a fact Kevin tried to take advantage of more than once. She finally had to tell him her parents no longer allowed friends in the house while they were out. In reality, they were fairly oblivious to any hormonal tensions between her and the rest of the neighborhood. They even brushed it off when she caught Eddy spying from their tree. She thanked goodness she only changed her top. She could tell he expected to see far more than that.

Nazz lounged on the sofa and clicked the remote. She thought about Marie for a bit and wondered if she'd stop by. Inviting a Kanker over was a huge gamble, but there was something about Marie. Nazz hoped she was right.

The doorbell rang. Marie stood on the porch alone, looking unsure. It wasn't hard to tell she didn't think she belonged there.

"Marie! Hi!" Nazz took her by the hand and led her into the house. Marie peered around suspiciously. Nazz met her eyes and motioned her into the Den. "Can I get you anything? Come on in! Get comfy!"

Marie quietly toed her way toward the sofa and perched gingerly on its arm. Even the upholstered arm was more plush than all of the Kankers' furniture. Nazz returned with glasses of soda and ice. "I was going to get lemon-lime but we're out of it. I hope you like cherry."

"I love cherry."

Nazz watched her sip the tingly stuff and followed suit. Soda was an extravagance for Marie. Her mother bought ginger ale at Christmas, but that was it. They kept their eyes on each other the whole time they sampled the soda. Nazz swallowed. "So what kinds of stuff do you like?"

"You're gonna' think I'm weird, but really I dig fixing stuff. And motorcycles. And tools, oh my gawd. You cannot let me near an auto parts store. I'd never leave."

"Really?" Nazz set her glass down and took Marie's hands in hers. "So, I guess you're really good with your hands." She fondled them a bit.

"I guess so. Whenever something breaks around home, I'm usually the first one who tinkers with it. Mom likes repair men, but she doesn't like paying 'em."

"That is awesome." Nazz continued exploring Marie's fingers with her own. Her gaze climbed to her face. "You know what'd be fun? A makeover! I could totally rock your look!"

Marie rolled her eyes. "Please… You and my sisters. I get about four of those a month."

"But you haven't had me do it."

"Ahhh, I don't know."

"Aw, c'mon," Nazz begged. "It'll be so fun!"

Marie reluctantly let Nazz lead her upstairs.

__________

End of Part Two.


	3. Chapter 3

**Honey DippED, Part Three**

Nazz's room was even more plush and comfy-looking than the Den.

"Let's see," Nazz tapped her chin while inspecting Marie. "Let's find some good colors for you."

"Your room is really nice."

Nazz cleared a spot on the bed for her. "Sorry it's so messy."

Marie sat on the bed and picked up a blue sweater she'd seen Nazz wear. She couldn't get over how soft it was. Even more enjoyable was its scent. Marie grinned. Even her laundry smelled good.

Marie looked up from surreptitiously smelling the sweater to see what Nazz was doing. Her collection of clothes was a shock. "Holy cow, girl! Do your parents own a mall?!"

"Huh? Um, no." Nazz looked embarrassed for a moment. "I guess I never throw anything out."

"With stuff this nice, who would?"

Nazz blushed and reached into her closet again. She pulled a merlot dress from the crowded depths and held it up to Marie. "This really makes your hair color pop."

"Is that a good thing?"

"It's a really good thing." Nazz handed the clothes to her. "Go ahead. Try it on."

Marie changed her clothes around her sisters all the time, but felt really self-conscious doing it in Nazz's room. Nazz's attention was more on the closet than her, which helped her force herself to do it.

Nazz turned back to her after a few minutes of digging. "Oh, wow. That color really works for you. What size shoe do you wear?"

"Five."

"Really? How funny! I wear five and a half."

Marie gazed at the dress in the mirror. "This is really nice and all, but I don't think I can wear this."

"What's wrong?"

Marie searched for an acceptable answer. "Well, you've got me in this fancy stuff, but you're not dressy. I feel kinda' strange."

"Easily fixed, m'dear."

Nazz removed her top and pants before turning back to the closet. "I have a velvet dress I've been dying to wear."

Marie stood in shock that Nazz would simply disrobe in front of her. It wasn't that she didn't enjoy the view. It was the only reason she bothered to go to gym. She just wasn't expecting it.

Nazz emerged from the closet with a deep blue velvet dress featuring a sweetheart neckline. "Oh, I forgot. This one needs a strapless."

Nazz looped the hanger on the corner of the closet door and turned toward her dresser. Marie watched her pick through various satin and lacy things until she found the strapless bra she wanted.

Nazz reached behind her back to unhook her bra and struggled with it for several moments. "Oh, I hate this thing." Nazz looked at the still-stunned Marie. "Can you help me with this? It always gets stuck on the last hook."

Marie composed herself enough to follow Nazz's request. Within a second, the bra fell away, revealing graceful teardrop breasts with delicate rosy nipples. Marie gazed at Nazz's beautiful chest in the mirror in front of them. Nazz smiled at Marie in the reflection and raised the strapless to her chest.

"It's a shame you have to cover those up."

"Oh?" Nazz paused.

"They're so pretty."

Nazz turned to her, blushing. "You really think so?"

Marie gently raised a hand until it hovered just before a hardening nipple. "May I?"

Nazz bit her lower lip and threaded her fingers around Marie's. They exchanged electricity in their fingertips before Nazz guided her hands to a gentle landing. Marie cupped the soft orbs in her palms and gently traced and teased the nipples standing at full attention.

Nazz closed her eyes and inhaled deeply of the energy rising between them. She licked her lips and leaned into Marie for a kiss. Marie's tongue flicked against her lips before their mouths joined. Both sets of hands wandered where they could, but Nazz was quick to reclaim her dress when lips parted. Once Marie's own breasts were free, she joined Nazz on the bed. Bare flesh seemed to melt together as the two intertwined. Nazz reclined and reveled in the sensations as Marie caressed, licked, sucked and nibbled her topography. Her creamy softness, taste and smell were intoxicating.

Marie could feel Nazz's fingers graze along her back and shoulders, making progress down the small of her back toward her panties. She returned the gesture by kissing and licking a trail from her breasts to quivering navel.

Meticulously shaven legs parted, inviting Marie to slip between them. She locked her pelvis against Nazz and they moved together. Each thrust brought noises of pleasure and desire from the bubbly blonde who kept her hands firmly planted on Marie's ass.

Eventually, Marie dropped to her knees on the floor. She kissed and nipped the inside of Nazz's thighs while her fingers sampled the moisture welling from the pink satin-clad treasure box before her. Nazz cooed and moved with her touch. Her breathing quickened. She approached and pulled away several times, teasingly. "Do you want this?"

Nazz's half-lidded eyes widened in dismay. "Yes," she breathed. "Yes-yes, please." Marie's fingers curled around the spaghetti strings that kept the shield about her straining girlhood. Nazz's panties dropped away with a gentle tug, revealing a neatly trimmed nest of blonde fluff above glistening moist folds. "Mnmnnnmnnh," she moaned in anticipation. Marie's fingers slowly probed her outer delicacy as Nazz's legs parted farther.

It was something of a surprise for Marie to discover Nazz was still intact. She wasn't lying about her friendship with Kevin. Marie found herself quite amused that she would be the _first one_. Her fingers traced along the tiny barricade before she turned her attention to other features.

Her tongue was next. Marie had no trouble finding Nazz's flushed clit. She swirled about the hood with her tongue and pushed and pulled it along the tiny glans it shrouded. She could tell from Nazz's movements and noises that she was doing things right. Nazz even reached down and parted things to give Marie more access. She rewarded her by returning her fingers to circle and probe more deeply as she continued her tongue-dance.

Despite the membranous gate, Marie only needed an extra few minutes to work two fingers into Nazz's taut passage. Her muscles reacted to the new sensations by buckling. Marie waited until Nazz settled down a little before continuing. She brought her fingers against the anterior wall of Nazz's vagina in time with her tongue strokes and Nazz's movements. It only took a few minutes for the effect to turn brilliant. Nazz's coos and moans built to near shrieks as her muscles clamped down and her pelvis shuddered and bucked wildly. Marie couldn't keep her face where it was, but continued to keep an additional finger swirling on Nazz's clit as she rode the rest of her climax out.

"Oh my Gawd, COME HERE!" Nazz reached for Marie and pulled her back onto the bed. "That was freaking unbelievable!" Marie was suddenly awash in grateful enthusiastic kisses. "I darned near lost a tooth," Marie chuckled. Nazz laughed with abandon and embraced her tightly. "I'm sorry, Baby!"

They lay in each other's arms and kissed for a while before Nazz pushed Marie supine and straddled her. "Your turn."

__________

End of Part Three.


	4. Chapter 4

**HoneyDippED, Part Four**

It was almost dark when Marie began the walk home. Most of the Cul-de-sac was devoid of kids since it was cold and nearly dinnertime. She'd have stayed longer except the garage door interrupted Nazz's ministrations. Both parents came home within twenty minutes of each other. They acted happy to meet their daughter's new friend, but mentioned disappointment that Nazz hadn't started fixing diner yet. Marie offered to help, but Nazz declined. "Let's save it for another night. I owe you already," she giggled. They sneaked another passionate kiss before Marie passed though the door. She could feel Nazz gazing after her as she walked toward the lane.

Warm tingling trails from the silky blonde's most recent caresses still ghosted through Marie's skin. Nazz's essence was still on her fingers. She inhaled the scent and mused about the day's turn of events. It was a shame the evening had to end so soon.

Her fuzzy warm feelings shattered with a yank at her shoulder. "Where the Hell've you been?" Lee's jaw set unusually forward as she glared at Marie.

"Pbththt," Marie shoved Lee away. "What's it to you?"

"We've been freezing our asses off for two freakin' hours lookin' for you!"

"Oh, baloney. I doubt you were out here fifteen minutes. It's not even six o'clock."

"It's still your turn to fix dinner, which you should've started a half hour ago," May dribbled behind them.

"Neither of you are dying of starvation. How hard is it to put macaroni in a pot of water?"

"The point is, it's your turn," Lee snapped.

"Yeah, Marie," May snorted.

"It's _always_ my turn," Marie snarled back.

"Get going," Lee shoved her.

"Yeah, Marie."

"Shut it May."

The three girls marched back to the trailer park. Marie set about a meal of Kraft Dinner with sliced hot dogs as her two sisters lounged in front of the TV. None of them knew if their mother would be home that night. Between her three jobs, they hardly saw each other. When she did happen to make it home, she was usually tipsy and had some random man in tow. Despite any declarations of adoration each male made, all managed to disappear before morning. The three sisters gave up trying to charm them years ago.

-

Nazz emerged from the shower wrapped tightly in a fluffy towel and collapsed back onto her bed. She playfully ran her hands along her stomach and breasts while thinking of Marie. She couldn't wait to see her again. How scandalously delicious it was for her to be in love with a girl, especially _that_ girl. She embraced herself tightly. A grin flashed across her face. Kevin was so clueless.

-

Once the kitchen was wiped down and everything was put away, Marie reclined on the sofa. Her two sisters were upstairs bickering over bathroom rights. She reflected on the heat behind Nazz's eyes as she whispered, "I owe you already." What delights awaited Marie on their next rendezvous? She could only imagine.

Marie paused from her reverie and looked over at the drawings she and her sisters posted on the wall. What love was that? The guys never hung around voluntarily. The only way they could get the Eds over was to either lure them with something, or steal money from Eddy. Additionally, Edd was the only one among them who didn't reek. Ed always smelled like a week-old tuna sandwich with a side of wet dog, while Eddy practically embalmed himself with some rancid man potion. You could smell either of them long before they arrived someplace. Marie couldn't figure out how her sisters could stand it.

Marie stood and reflected on her drawing. Was there really anything there?

"Marie," Lee leaned over the banister. Her hair was pulled up in curlers and tucked under a shower cap. "You comin' to bed or what?"

"Yeah-yeah," Marie waved her off.

"Good. Get up here already."

"Alright. Jeez, Lee. A person can't get any damn peace around here."

"And get the lights."

"Whatever." Marie flicked the switch and climbed the stairs for bed.

-

Early morning snow, which usually equaled an unpleasant trek to school, made a nice backdrop for Marie's thoughts. She imagined an impassioned embrace with Nazz igniting the frosty chill around them. Lee noticed Marie was unusually quiet, but didn't put much thought into it. May made up for Marie's silence by being extra chatty. Ed and food were never far from her mind. Lee finally smacked her upside the head to make her stop.

-

"Oh, let me get that for you!" Edd uncharacteristically dove for the school door to hold it open for Nazz. It was only when she was almost through it that he realized whom he held the door for. In his panic, he let it slam shut in her face. Nazz dropped her books and fell backward in surprise. "Smooth one, Double-Douche," Kevin sounded behind her. Eddy laughed at the insult while Ed merely stood and let his eye wander. "Here," Kevin offered a hand. Nazz, somewhat flustered, couldn't match the maroon cheeks sprouting on Edd as he rejoined the other Eds. "Epic fail back at you, Romeo," Eddy chided. "If you were on your game, you woulda' caught her."

"Oh, really?" Kevin bristled and marched toward Eddy. "If you're such an expert, why weren't YOU over here?"

"It's too fun watching you screw up!"

Kevin made a move to deck Eddy when Marie shoved her way between them. "You guys are pathetic," she snarled.

All watched in surprise as Marie handed Nazz her books and helped her dust the slush and salt from her pants.

"You okay, Sweety?"

"Of course. Thank you." They exchanged a secret smile before Marie held the door for Nazz. She let the door shut before anyone else could get to it.

"What the..?" Kevin stared, perplexed.

Eddy scratched his head. "Sweety?"

"Exactly!" Lee threw her arms around Eddy before he could get away. May was quick to do the same with Ed. "How about a little smoochy break before class?"

"Aaaaaugh!" Both Eds screamed as Edd tried to edge away. "Kev! Be a pal," Eddy pleaded. "Help! Double-D! Somebody!" Kevin laughed at the boys as May and Lee tackled their quarry and doused them in heavy lipstick kisses. Kevin laughed as he joined Rolf.

"Serves you right, Dorks!"

__________

End of Part Four.


	5. Chapter 5

**HoneyDippED, Part Five**

"Some help you were!" Eddy snatched the paper towel away from Edd as he and Ed tried to mop themselves up. Plenty of evidence still stained their skin from their encounter with the Kankers.

"Really, Eddy! I have no influence with them! What was I supposed to do?"

"Offer a bribe! Talk 'em out of it! Sacrifice yourself! Anything!"

"Sacrifice myself? Eddy, let's be realistic."

"I'll give ya' realistic. I've got 'realistic' all over my freakin' face. I swear those chicks are givin' me a rash."

"Except Marie, for some reason."

"Yeah, what was up with that?" Eddy studied Edd. "She didn't even glance at you."

Edd tried not to act too relieved about it. "Um… Maybe she didn't see me."

"I doubt it. Most of the time she zeros in on you like there's a LoJack up your butt."

Edd found the concept of rectally-installed tracking devices very disturbing.

"Oh!" Ed sprang to life. "I saw that in a movie once! '_I was a Spy from Planet Jujunem_!'"

Edd sighed and massaged his temples. "Congratulations, Ed."

"But how do you poop, Double-D?"

"You're assuming he actually poops," Eddy smirked at Edd. "He's so anal…"

"How the heck did this conversation switch from the Kankers to _MY_ bowel habits!?"

"Process of elimination?"

"Guh!"

_

In contrast to her sisters, Marie actually looked forward to going to class. Secret smiles and winks exchanged with Nazz helped the time fly by. The chances of being caught flirting by her sisters added to the thrill. In Art, Marie found a note in her supply box. Flowery handwriting read, "_Meet me in the Gym during study hall. I have a surprise for you_!" Marie didn't have to read the signature to know who wrote it.

_

The Gym was strangely quiet when Marie walked in. A room typically reverberating with basketball dribbles, volleyball practice and dance class was cleared out for this period. Marie waited for a few minutes for Nazz to show up. A door opened behind the bleachers at the far end of the Gym. Nazz waved her over quietly and embraced her when they were out of view.

"I've been thinking about this all day," she breathed.

Nazz motioned toward the door she just opened. "Voila."

Upon peering inside, it became evident Nazz opened the supply closet for the gym mats. She even had felt blankets rolled out on a particularly inviting stack of thick pads.

"I'm a Gym assistant, so I can get the key whenever I need it."

"This is freaking awesome," Marie laughed. "It's like our own private suite!"

Nazz linked arms with Marie. "Shall we?"

"Oh, indeed!"

Nazz pulled the door shut and clicked the lock.

_

"Hey Dor--, ehm, Eddy," Kevin tapped Eddy's shoulder.

"What?" Eddy blinked, surprised.

"You seen Nazz?"

"I see her all the time, Kevvy. More often than you."

"Okay, how about a time that doesn't involve jerking-off?"

"Get to the point, Boxhead."

Kevin was ready to clock Eddy, but managed to control himself. "We're lab partners in Bio and she has our platyhelminth notes."

"Platee-hecka-what-the-frick?"

"Platyhelminthes, Eddy," Edd corrected. "Flatworms."

"Gee, I dunno, Shovelchin." Eddy sighed and gave Kevin a mock apologetic look. "Maybe she lost interest in _your_ flat worm."

Kevin knocked Eddy to the floor and stormed away.

"Oh! Kevin!" Ed stepped after him. "I have a question, Kevin!"

"Buzz-off, Dork!"

"Buzz-buzz-buzz! Kevin! Buzz-buzz!"

Edd dusted Eddy off with a feather duster. "Eddy, why do you do that? You know he's just going to hit you."

"Because Kevin can't handle the truth. Everyone knows Nazz is into me."

"Right-o," Edd rolled his eyes and kept his own comebacks in check. "Shall we go find Ed?"

_

It took a little coaching, but Nazz succeeded in bringing Marie the same bliss she gave the day before. Marie naturally returned the favor. Both had to remember to where they were and keep quiet, but they kissed and spooned happily on the mats for a while before the break bell rang. Nazz had to get to class.

"Do you want to come by my house later?"

"You bet!"

"See ya' then," Nazz winked and slipped through the door.

"Love ya' Baby."

-

Kevin was surprised to see Nazz slip out from behind the gym bleachers just as he was making his way to the Sports Office. She was supposed to meet with him during study hall. He was about to call after her when another figure slipped out a moment later. Marie Kanker? Kevin bolted behind a door and resumed watching the school's most popular 'secret' make-out spot. No boys emerged after them. He knew the Kankers sometimes tried to drag the Eds back there, but Nazz? '_No, that can't be right_,' he thought. Still, this development was far too interesting to put out of his mind.

_

"Finally," Lee hissed as Marie strolled into the Boiler Room. "Where've you been? We had the perfect drop on the Eds and lost 'em 'cuz you weren't around."

"Aaaah, Lee." Marie pawed around looking for her jacket. "Can't you get over this Eds thing? There are better guys out there. Maybe even some who'll stick around."

"Blasphemy!" May's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. "Ed is the bestest boyfriend EVER!"

Marie barely reacted. "Keep thinkin' small, Blondie. You're an expert."

Lee stepped in front of her. "What's with the attitude, Toots? You've been actin' weird since yesterday."

"I don't have an attitude. I've simply moved on. You should do the same."

Lee tried to look into her eyes. "Moved on to _who_?"

"Nobody. I'm just sick o' chasing Eds all the time. Aren't boyfriends s'posed to chase us? Here we are putting all this effort into guys who do nothin' but scream every time we get 'em alone. When's the last time they did somethin' for us? Do they give us presents? No. Do they send us flowers? No. I haven't heard a single 'I love you' out of Eddy or Edd, yet. All we're doin' is wastin' time and keepin' ourselves from quality guys."

Lee put her hands on her hips and studied Marie for a moment. "Define quality," she drawled.

"You know… The kind of guy who grabs your ass once in a while. The kind of guy who calls you 'Baby.' The kind of guy who fixes something without being beaten or tied up. Maybe a real sexy one who wears plaid flannel with a Peterbilt ballcap. Hell, let's start with just the kind of guy who calls."

"Sounds dreamy," May gushed. "I love a man in flannel, 'specially if he wears a huge belt buckle!"

"Yeah," Lee sighed. "Mom's always happiest with a guy who knows his way around a lube rack."

"See? There's bigger fish out there! It's time for a brand new day, girls! Let's ditch the stupid Eds and get us some real men!"

__________

End of Part Five.


	6. Chapter 6

**Honey DippED, Part Six**

Marie slipped away as soon as the sisters got home from school. She mused that the Eds should be grateful she distracted the girls from messing with them, even if it only works for a short time.

Mercury's winged feet carried Marie to Nazz's door. Her heart sped with thoughts of delights to come. Nazz answered the door in a plush red bathrobe. "I have another surprise for you," she giggled. Marie fell into the blonde's arms and locked lips passionately as the door closed behind her. "Mnmnmnh," Nazz glowed when they parted. "You're an awesome kisser!"

"You're not too shabby yourself, Babe."

Nazz giggled. "C'mon upstairs. You're going to love this."

As the two climbed the stairs, Marie could hear a motor running somewhere. She couldn't figure out what it was, but Nazz wasn't acting bothered by it. At her lover's request, she shed her clothes in Nazz's room and followed her to her parents' room clad in a bath sheet. "_Five minutes and we're already naked_," Marie thought. "_Not a bad start_."

Marie figured they were headed for her parents' bed, but that was not to be. Nazz instead flourished before a door where the motor sound appeared to be coming from. "Open it."

The solid brass handle turned easily. Marie operated the door slowly to keep the suspense going, but saw Nazz's face take on a drastically different expression once the door opened. "Oh, no!"

"What?"

Marie looked around the door and was confronted with a four foot wall of foam. It came from a furiously bubbling Jacuzzi in the corner of what turned out to be a bathroom.

"This isn't the surprise?"

"No! No! This wasn't supposed to happen!" Nazz flailed. "It was just supposed to be a bubble bath! God! It keeps coming! Help me!"

Marie waded into the foam and made a path to the Jacuzzi. "How do ya' turn this thing off?"

"Wait, there's a button. Here."

Nazz waded into the foam and pointed Marie toward the tub controls. Marie shut it off.

"Not cool." Nazz looked around. "What do we do about all this?"

"Well, I know what I'd do," Marie smirked.

"What?"

"FOAM FIGHT!" Marie scooped a dollop of foam from the Jacuzzi and plastered Nazz with it.

"AAAAAGH!" Nazz laughed and tried to retaliate. The two screamed and threw foam at each other for several minutes. Both girls lost their coverings during the mêlée, but kept fighting until Marie tackled Nazz and wrestled her to the floor. "You win," she breathed.

"You're so hot, I can't stand it."

Nazz clutched Marie's face to her chest.

"Mmnhmhhm." Marie dropped her face into the swale between Nazz's breasts and kissed her as close to her heart as she could.

Nazz stroked Marie's damp hair and lost herself in the mountains of foam around them. "I love you."

Marie responded with the most passionate kiss she could muster.

_

Kevin leaned forward on his bicycle seat and studied Nazz's house. Seeing the two behind the bleachers may have been coincidence, but having Marie over wasn't. He couldn't figure what they might be doing. The only half-logical guess he could form involved Marie wanting to try out for cheerleading. Even that failed plausibility. She's too punk for that crowd.

"Steel-horse Kevin Boy," Rolf called. "The son of a shepherd requires your assistance!"

"Be right there, Rolf."

"Why do you tarry at Go-Go-Nazz-Girl's home? Surely she lacks the strength to hold Wilfred for her monthly hoof trimming."

"Buh. We're doing that again?"

"As surely as the stubble grows on Nana's chin!"

_

Eddy opened his door to insistent knocking and found Edd trembling in panic.

"What's your problem?"

"Eddy!" Edd grabbed Eddy by the collar and tried to urge him outside. "Emergency! Marie's at Nazz's house!"

"Hold on there!" Eddy wrung his collar free from Edd. "And watch the damn threads."

"Eddy! Please! Marie must've figured out how I feel about Nazz! I can only imagine the atrocities she's perpetuating this very instant!"

"Excuse me. How _you_ feel about Nazz? That's a dangerous thing to say around a guy. She isn't _your_ girl."

"Eddy! Keyword: EMERGENCY! We don't have time to quibble about semantics!"

"What? This is a Jewish thing, now?"

Edd grabbed the bridge of his nose in an effort to regain patience. "Semantics, Eddy. Not Semitics. Semantics."

"What's the diff?"

"It's the difference between standing here explaining things or rescuing Nazz in a timely fashion. May we go, please?! We must get Ed!"

"Alright-alright." Eddy zipped himself into his jacket and followed Edd into the snow. "I think you're wrong, though. What do the Kankers care about Nazz?"

"I saw it with my own eyes. Marie rang the doorbell and rushed Nazz right as she answered the door. It was horrible, Eddy! Poor Nazz! So trusting! So innocent! Kevin saw it, too. I thought he was going to do something, but he just watched! Oh, Eddy! What are we going to do?!"

"The first thing we need to do is get you some tights and one of those girly kerchiefs, Hamlet. Calm down."

Edd swallowed hard and bit his lip for the rest of the journey to Ed's house.

_

The boys let themselves into Ed's basement when he didn't come to his window. Eddy was the first to grab his nose. "Eugh! What happened in here!?"

"GOOD LORD!" Edd visibly fought off a fainting spell. He grabbed various toys to wedge Ed's window open for some fresh, if also freezing, air. "You don't suppose this is a gas leak, do you?"

"If it is, it ain't the piped-in kind."

"Hi guys," Ed called from his bathroom. "I'll be out in a minute."

"Take your time, Lumpy."

"Ed's gravy addiction must've caught up with him."

"Whatever happened, this place is ground zero for some serious funk. My bro couldn't even top this."

A toilet flushed and Ed stepped in looking sweaty and winded. "What's up guys?"

"Dear Ed!" Edd immediately rushed to Ed's side and took his arm. "Are you sick? Do you need a doctor?"

"Holy crap, Ed!" Eddy still held his nose. "You could clear a sewer with what just came out of you!"

"Huh? Oh, that wasn't me."

"What in the world was it," Edd asked incredulously.

"My mom made me put my gravy out last night. The whole tub went rancid. I had to make a new batch."

"Well," Edd sighed and let go of his arm. "That certainly sounds like you."

"Okay, now that we're at the bottom of this, let's get to that emergency."

"Oh yes. Come Ed. We need your help!"

Ed started sounding his best impression of an ambulance siren.

"QUIETLY STUPID," Eddy snarled.

_

The three Eds stood at the side of Jimmy's house and pondered what to do. "Is it all three of 'em or just Marie?"

"There's no telling. Marie might've been the first wave of attack."

"Wow, this is brilliant! We're supposed to just waltz into Nazz's house and get tortured, too?"

"Of course not!" Edd stammered. "I just hoped I'd think of something by now."

"Well get thinkin' on it! I didn't leave my magazines and Barry White just to stand around in the cold."

"Whatever they're doing, it looks as if they're upstairs. The upper floor windows are the only ones lit."

"Ahh. Okay. Easy. All we have to do is sneak in, lure 'em downstairs and roll 'em with a hundred pounds of Lump. Then we free Nazz, right?"

Edd peered at Eddy. "You sound as if you've done this before."

"No comment."

"Are you sure?" Edd turned suspicious.

"Are we doing this or not? I'm freezing over here."

Ed wrapped his arms around Eddy and snuzzled against his face. "A big warm hug for Eddy!"

"Get off me, Jackass! I'm not THAT freakin' cold!"

"My word, Eddy. Such language."

"Look, I'm five seconds away from going home. Let's get this on already."

"Now you _really_ sound as if you've done this before."

"Shut it and come on."

Edd and Ed followed Eddy as he cut a brisk path into Nazz's back yard. They paused in front of her patio. "If we go in this way, I know a trick we can use on the slider. My bro showed me once."

"Breaking and entering!? Eddy, we can't!"

"You know some other way of gettin' in?"

Another voice rose behind them giving them good reason to be jumpy. "Just what do you boneheads think you're doing?" Sarah stood with Jimmy in tow. "If you're spying on Nazz again, I'm telling Mom!"

"We're not spying, Sarah," Eddy growled. "Nazz is in trouble. We're trying to help."

"Likely story! Take a hike or there's gonna' be some real trouble around here!"

"Sarah, keep it down!" Edd made the 'shhh' gesture. "Do you want us _all_ in trouble?"

"Let me think…" Sarah pointed her face toward the street. "**WHY KEVIN! HOW NICE TO SEE YOU!**"

Eddy smacked his forehead. "Nice going, Sockhead!"

"You're the one who wanted to sneak into her house!"

"Could you repeat that, Einstein?" Eddy got in Edd's face. "I don't think Sarah has enough ammo!"

"What's up with this?" Kevin crossed his arms and scowled at the Eds. "As if I couldn't figure it out."

"These guys were sneaking into Nazz's backyard," Sarah spoke as if she was quite proud to catch them.

Jimmy piped up behind Sarah. "Then Double-D said Eddy wanted to go into her house."

"What's the matter, Dorks? The tree's not good enough for you anymore?"

"Well, you know," Eddy smirked. "Not since Nazz started drawing her curtains."

"Hit the pavement before I pound ya! And don't let me catch you creeps back here again!"

"Hi guys! What's going on?" Nazz appeared at the side of the house with Marie by her side.

"Dork, Dorkk n' Dorky were hanging out in your backyard again."

Nazz didn't act the least bit phased. Marie touched her shoulder. "It's dinnertime. I gotta' get going, okay?"

"No problem," Nazz smiled warmly. "Catch you later, girlfriend!"

"Peace out!" Marie waved and started her way back to the trailer park.

Nazz turned back to the boys whom Kevin still tried to drive from her yard. "How come you guys were back here? You could've just rung the doorbell."

"They made up some cockamamie story about you needing help," Sarah hissed.

"Oh." Nazz thought for a moment. "Well, I do have something you could help me with. C'mon, I'll show you!" Nazz grabbed the arm of a stunned Edd and dragged him toward the house. The other two followed closely behind.

_

End of Part Six.


	7. Chapter 7

**Honey DippED, Part Seven**

"Well THAT was a boatload of laughs. Maybe tomorrow, Nazz can have an emergency with her gutters."

"Eddy, I apologized! How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?"

"A lot." Edd trailed after Eddy as he slogged through the heavy, wet, shoe-soaking snow back to his house. "I think my favorite part is when her parents came home and thought WE made that mess."

"But don't you think it was the slightest bit odd that Marie is suddenly friends with Nazz?"

"No, Double-D. I don't want to think another thing about it."

Eddy reached his door and slipped inside his room before turning back around and thrusting a finger into Edd's face. "Oh, and if you happen to come up with more Nazz emergencies, keep 'em to yourself. I'm hitting the sack before I have to clean anything else."

Eddy slid his door shut and locked it while Edd stood deeply embarrassed.

_

Kevin reclined on his bed and stared at the ceiling. "What's the deal?" Nazz was friendly enough when she came into the backyard, but why would she invite the dorks in and not him? They were caught lurking in her backyard! The whole thing was weird. Did he miss something? Kevin went over and over things in his mind. Since when did Nazz put the dorks ahead of him? Since when did she start hanging out with Marie Kanker? The only way things could get stranger is if she started flirting with Rolf.

_

Marie won bathroom rights and was the first into bed, but soon regretted it. Lee glanced sidelong at her several times since dinner. She knew something was coming. "So, what's really going on?"

"Huh? Nothing."

"Whaddya' mean, nothing? You disappear every time we turn around and now you want us to stop romancin' the Eds. You may have fooled May with all that pie in the sky stuff, but I'm still here. Spill it, Toots."

"There's nothing going on, Lee. I'm just sick of the Eds. If you can't live without 'em, go back to 'em. I don't care. Just leave me out of it."

"Why?"

"None of your business."

"Oh, I think it is my business." Lee jumped onto the bed and pinned Marie. "Now TELL ME what's goin' on."

"GET OFF ME!"

"Answer the question."

"I did! It's NONE of your BUSINESS!"

"You know what I think?"

"I could care less! Get off!"

Lee got within inches of Marie's face. "I think you found another guy."

"So what if I did?"

"Who is it?"

"GET OFF ME, LEE!"

"Must be a good one if you're actin' like this!"

"If I get an arm free, you're in for it!"

"Oh, you think you could take me? You're doing great so far!" Lee bent her face closer to Marie and laughed tauntingly as she struggled. "Give it up, Marie!"

"No way!"

"Mattress wrestling and I wasn't invited?" May straddled Lee's back and grabbed two fistfuls of her curls. She yanked her head back. "How could you!?"

"GAAAH! Let go, May!"

"Serves you right! Go for the camel clutch, May!"

Lee tried to dump May on the floor but only succeeded in tumbling off with her. Marie ripped the sheets from her chest and dove into the match as it roiled across the room.

_

Lee kept silent on the walk to school. She was deadly intent on getting to the bottom of Marie's secret, however. Marie also remained quiet. The make up on her face was a little heavier. It was an attempt to cover a souvenir bruise from the prior night's dust up.

As the Kankers reached the school grounds, Lee saw Marie subtly wave at someone. She didn't see exactly who it was directed at, but did see the football player, the tall foreign guy and some girl standing in the direction of the wave. She knew Marie didn't particularly like the kid with the accent, but the guy in the green shirt was cute. '_Ah-hah_,' she thought. '_The football player! The girl's got taste!_'

_

"What happened to your eye?" Nazz touched Marie's bruise with the lightness of a kitten's whiskers.

"Lee clipped me last night."

"You guys had a fight?"

"Yeah. She doesn't like it when she can't boss me around."

"I'm so sorry."

"For what? It's just life with my sisters."

Nazz kissed her cheek gently as they cuddled on the gym mats. "I wish you and I were older. We could get a place together and you'd be away from all that."

"Living with you would be so awesome. We could do whatever we want."

"Mmm," Nazz breathed. "Speaking of doing things…" She climbed on top of Marie and pulled off her shirt. "We're a little behind schedule."

_

"Double-D!" Eddy flew up behind Edd and grabbed him around the shoulders. "Hold on to your sock, pal-o-mine! I got a scam idea that'll curl the hair on your toes!"

"I hope it's better than your popsicle stick bubble hockey idea."

"Way better! We set up a jungle in the Botany room and charge twenty-five cents for Amazon tours! It'll be a hoot!"

"Oh! Oh!" Ed danced excitedly. "I want to be the Edaconda, Eddy! Can I be the Edaconda? Pleeeease? Let me be the Edaconda!"

"As much as I'm thrilled in your new interest in ecotourism, the Botany room is hardly a believable or sustainable rain forest environment."

"An easy fix Double-D. Just set some misters up on the fire sprinklers and bam! Instant monsoon season!"

"Eddy! I am aghast that you'd suggest tampering with the school's fire safety equipment! You're putting lives and property at stake!"

"Calm down, Sockhead! I was just sayin'…"

Eddy was cut off by a chorus of Kanker laughter traveling down the hallway.

"Oh my! Kankers Eddy!"

"For the love of toast! Not again!"

"I'm an Edaconda, Eddy!"

Edd stared at Ed incredulously. Eddy smirked. "Great idea, Lumpy! Keep going with that!"

Eddy directed Ed in the direction of the cackling before taking shelter in his locker. Edd tried to pull Ed back to safety, but reluctantly wound up hiding as well. Ed slithered along the floor, flicking his tongue.

"What's this?" May nudged Ed with her foot. He flicked his tongue and hissed.

"Look's like your boyfriend's impersonatin' a bathroom rug, huh May?"

"That's not my boyfriend! I'm after a new man, remember? Someone with a plumber butt and a big cuddly beer belly!"

"That sounds like lyrics to a song."

"Yeah." May sighed. "Poetry, ain't it?"

Ed reared and hissed loudly at Lee and May.

"STUFF A SOCK IN IT, CREW CUT!" Lee popped him in the nose. "Can't ya' see me and my sister talkin' over here?"

Ed recoiled from Lee and retreated to a corner to stalk another victim.

"Weirdo. Anyway. How's the new man search workin' out?" Lee and May continued walking down the hall.

Eddy cracked open his locker and peered after them. "What was up with that?"

Edd struggled against his locker door. "Eddy! Help! I can't get out!"

"Hold on there, Shakespeare. I gotta' get a bead on this."

"Eddy! Help me!"

Eddy toed after the Kankers.

"Eddy? Ed? Is someone there? Please! Boy trapped in locker! Help! Somebody!"

__________

End of Part Seven.


	8. Chapter 8

**Honey DippED, Part Eight**

Kevin crossed his ankles on his desk and leaned back in his chair. He and Nazz agreed to meet in the Biology lab before class so they could pull their notes together. Once again, she didn't show. She was known for being a little ditzy, but she wouldn't blow him off twice in a row. He couldn't help but consider the events of the past couple of days. Had he done something wrong? Was she suddenly tired of him?

"Whatsamatta' Casanova? Somebody stand ya' up?"

"Huh?" Kevin snapped to attention and found Lee and May Kanker standing in very uncomfortable proximity. "What do you want?"

"Just gettin' to know my sister's new honey. She can sure pick 'em."

"What?"

"Mmm," May wrapped her arms around his waist from behind and sniffed at his collar. "That's a man smell!"

"What the..? Get off me!"

Lee straddled his lap and wrapped her hands around his biceps. "And there's enough of him to go around! Whaddya say we see what the hype's all about?"

"I'm game! Let's go, Lee!"

Kevin struggled against Lee and May's efforts to drag him off but quickly found that trying to escape even two Kankers was like trying to swim through a tar pit. The more he fought, the more subdued they had him.

Eddy followed behind, unnoticed. His face turned bright red from the battle royale of self-control raging within him. Tears formed at the corners of his eyes when he watched the Kankers pull Kevin into their favorite abandoned bathroom. The need to laugh was excruciating.

Eddy turned and ran a full two hallways away before exploding in delight. "WAAAH-HA-HA-HA!! BRAW-HAHAHAHAHA!! DOUBLE-D! ED! YOU GOTTA' SEE THIS!"

He kept running until he rejoined the Eds.

Edd crossed his arms and scowled at Eddy when he returned to their locker. "Well! Eddy _finally_ returns. If Jonny hadn't come along, I'd still be trapped in my locker!"

Eddy still racked with guffaws. "DOUBLE-D! GET YOUR CAMERA! KEVIN'S GETTING KANKERED AS WE SPEAK! C'MON!"

"Eddy! There's a small matter of our friendship I think we need to discuss."

"Didn't ya' hear what I said? The Kankers are MAULING KEVIN! This is GOLD! C'mon! We're missing a real show!"

"Eddy, I really don't think…"

"Fine! Stay here all day! I'll shoot it without you!" Eddy turned and aimed himself for the art studio. "See ya' in the papers!" Eddy left burning tread marks in the hallway.

"EDDY! DON'T YOU DARE TAKE MY CAMERA! THAT BELONGS TO THE PHOTOGRAPHY CLUB!" Edd chased after Eddy. "EDDY!"

_

"Fancy meeting you here." Nazz caressed the back of Marie's shoulders as she walked past the bathroom sinks.

"Hiya gorgeous," Marie chirped.

Nazz giggled and pulled out her eye compact. "Do you want to see a matinee later? We could catch the new Harold Thorne movie."

"You like spy flicks, huh?"

"Well, you know I only go to see the new Thorne Girl."

"I knew there was somethin' about you!" Marie slid across the counter toward Nazz. "Whaddya' say we catch a little quality time before class?"

"Well, you did say we could do anything we want in here."

The two lovers brushed their noses together before dissolving into kisses and laughter.

_

Eddy stood poised with the camera outside the bathrooms, but dropped his pose when he didn't hear the usual sounds of struggling that accompany a Kanker attack. "Ah crap. They're done already."

Water ran in the boys' bathroom next door. "Ah-hah!" Eddy burst through the men's room door. "Smile for the birdie, Shovelchin!"

"GET OUTTA HERE, DORKY! WHAT ARE YA!?"

"I don't know what you did to deserve it, but I'm loving this!" Eddy snapped a few more pictures. "Oooh! Vogue for me, Boxhead! Gimme somethin' sexy!"

"Get that camera outta' here before I shove it up your ass."

Kevin, festooned with lipstick smears and mussed up clothes tried to snatch the camera away from Eddy.

"Now-now, Kevvy! You wouldn't want to ruin your front page spread, would you?"

"As if Double-Dork would ever print it."

"You're right. Gotta' go underground with this."

"How about I help ya' with the first six feet?" Kevin took a swipe at Eddy, but Eddy ducked away from him and snapped another picture.

"EDDY!" Edd came through the bathroom door. "RETURN THAT CAMERA IMMEDIATELY!"

"Way to be a buzz-kill, Double-D! This was just getting good!"

"I will not have that camera used in such an abominable way. It was loaned to me for strictly artistic purposes!"

"Hahaha! Check out the art work on Kev! It's a hoot!"

"Gracious!"

Kevin growled a brandished a fist at Edd.

"Um, Eddy," Edd backed toward the door. "I think we should be going now!"

"Just a second, there, Warhol! I still got a few more shots on this roll! Wouldn't wanna' waste 'em!"

"EDDY!"

"Alright-alright! At least I got a good twenty shots of Loverboy over there!"

"Gimme that!" Kevin snatched the camera away from Eddy and raised it over his head to smash it.

"Kevin! No! That's school property! You know the grave punishment that comes with that! Mr. Antonucci won't hold back! Parents will be called! You'll be off the football team!"

Kevin paused and looked at the camera, then Eddward.

"If you give me the camera I'll make sure those foul pictures are destroyed."

"OH, COME ON," Eddy whined. "I've been waiting YEARS for somethin' like this!"

"Eddy! Leave! Now!"

"Way to ruin everything, Sockhead!" Eddy slinked through the bathroom door.

"Do we have a deal, Kevin?"

"How do I know you're not lying?"

"If it suits you, I'll personally hand the offending negatives to you and you may destroy them as you see fit."

"I'm holding you to your word, Double-Dork." Kevin handed Edd the camera. "If I so much as see one shot of me leaked anywhere, you're done. Got it?"

"Absolutely, Kevin. If you want, we could go to the darkroom and be done with this business now."

"Wait. I need my hat."

Kevin finished mopping what he could of his Kanker stains before retracing his steps. Eddy was in the clutches of Marie and Lee outside. "It's our new boyfriend," May pointed.

"Anyone up for round two?" Lee cackled.

"Step aside, hags!"

"Wow! One day and it's already raining men! Look at all of em!"

"Ahhh!" Lee sighed. "It's almost like we're back at the bait shop!"

"Pinch me, Lee! I gotta' know it's for real!"

"I got ya' one better. Let's pinch him!"

The Kankers tackled Kevin and thrust him through the girls' bathroom door. All parties froze upon seeing Marie and Nazz in different stages of undress; making out against the bathroom counter. Edd's flashbulb popped. "Gah!"

"Jesus, Marie." Lee slapped her forehead. "I thought we were done with this."

Marie and Nazz disentangled themselves and set about embarrassedly fixing their outfits.

"What? You know I like girls."

"BOYS, Marie. You're supposed to like BOYS. You're the whole reason we had to transfer to this dump."

"Yeah, well I checked. Nazz isn't the Mayor's daughter so you got nothin' to worry about."

"Whoah," Kevin breathed.

"YO!" Lee turned to snap at the guys. "Can we get a little privacy?! This is a GIRLS' BATHROOM!"

"Let's go." Kevin turned and dragged a gawking Eddy and a frozen catatonic Edd back to the hallway.

"Well, that was… _interesting_." Kevin shook his head and wiped sweat from his brow.

Eddy waved his hand in front of still-frozen Edd and snapped his fingers. "Lemme just take that off your hands, Leibovitz."

"Like fun you will," Kevin shoved Eddy to the floor. "I'LL take it."

"HEY!" Sarah's voice rattled the timbers of all three boys. "LOOK WHAT YOUR STUPID FRIEND DID TO JIMMY!"

Sarah shoved Ed in front of her and knocked him to the floor. He hissed and flicked his tongue at the boys. A trembling Jimmy-shaped form bulged from Ed's belly. "GET JIMMY OUT **NOW** OR I'M TELLING MOM!"

__________

End of Part Eight.


	9. Chapter 9

**Honey DippED, Part Nine**

Marie wanted desperately to see Nazz after school, but no one would come to the door. Another girl, a loudmouthed strawberry blonde, watched her from a couple of houses away but remained silent. Her companion, a preppy fey little boy, said nothing either.

The three Eds also noticed her walk through the Cul-de-sac, as did the football player and the tall Norwegian boy. She could tell each was trying to decide what to think of this new development. She could tell the boy in the green shirt wasn't pleased.

"Man, this is sick."

"My great onkel Anders was homoseksuell," Rolf mused. "He and Ingmar were the fiercest defenders of Great Nano's flock."

"Ingmar being his boyfriend?"

"But of course."

"Yeah, well, I'm still not down with this. We have get Nazz back."

"You may dye wool, Kevin-Boy, but you cannot change the color of a sheep."

"We'll see, Rolf." Kevin eyed the Eds as they watched Marie through Eddy's blinds. "I got an idea."

_

Marie climbed the stairs for bed but found the bedroom door locked. "Guys, what the Hell?" She rapped at the door. Quiet chatter between Lee and May died down before Lee cracked open the door and blocked Marie's entrance. "You're on the couch tonight, Toots."

"What? Why?"

"I think you know."

"Oh, gee," Marie rolled her eyes. "The big bad lesbian's gonna' rape her sisters. Seriously. Open up."

"No dice."

"Why?"

"I gotta' figure out what I think about all this. You broke your promise. Kinda' makes me wonder what else you broke. We can't trust you."

"Pbthththt. I don't think you have to worry about your precious trust. I'm not into you."

"Yeah, well… That ain't what this is about. Goodnight." Lee closed and relocked the door.

"Open up, Lee! May! C'mon!"

"Goodnight, Marie!"

"AT LEAST GIMME MY DAMN PILLOW!"

Marie knocked and tried to appeal to her sisters, but the lights were turned off and the responses stopped. Eventually, she stomped her way back downstairs and tried to lure her sisters out by being as loud as possible. All that got was a pissed off neighbor screaming, "HEY, SHADDUP IN THERE!"

"Screw this!" Marie grabbed her jacket from the hook and strode out the door; slamming it as hard as she could. She paused and traded glares with the offended neighbor before heading toward the Cul-de-sac.

_

The widows at Nazz's house were all dark except for the light in her bedroom. Marie tossed pinecones against her window until she peered through her drapes. She saw Marie and waved shyly before leaving the window.

After several minutes, the patio slider creeped open. Nazz slipped into the cold wearing only a t-shirt and panties. "Oh my God, Marie."

Marie and Nazz fell into each other's arms for a long time. Marie snuzzled against the blonde's neck and kissed her. "I missed you."

"How come you're here so late?"

"My sisters kicked me out."

"I'm so sorry."

"Can I crash here?"

Nazz paused and thought things over. "You can sleep here. My parents are already in bed, though. We have to be quiet."

"Do they know?"

Nazz blinked. "I don't think so. I mean, nobody said anything."

"Yet," Marie growled. "Nobody's going to keep this quiet."

"I'm really scared. What do we do?"

Marie removed her coat and jacket and wrapped it around Nazz's shoulders. "For now, let's go in. It's freezing out here."

Marie followed Nazz into the house and stepped back to let her close and relock the door. They embraced again and kissed. Marie couldn't resist running her hands along Nazz's body through her nightclothes. "C'mon." Nazz silently led Marie to her bedroom.

_

Marie woke to Nazz gently brushing strands of hair from her eyes.

"Morning." Nazz kissed her along the crook of her neck.

"Oh man." Marie draped an arm around her nude lover and nestled into the mattress. "I had no idea waking up could be this nice."

"Present company makes it nicer," Nazz giggled and snuggled against her.

"What time is it?"

"About 6:30. My dad just left."

"I could stay with you all day."

"Mmmnnh," Nazz breathed. "I'd like that."

"I'll bet." Marie pushed Nazz onto her back and looked at her, amused. "Whaddya' say we bring back last night, Babydoll?"

"Ooh! Then we can try a shower together!"

They laughed and made out for a while before Marie dropped her head beneath the sheets.

_

Kevin rolled up behind the Eds as they made their way to school.

"Hey! No-Neck! Got a minute?'

"Depends, Chump."

Kevin shook it off. "Listen. You and I need to talk. All of you."

"Yeah, right. Why?"

"Because there might be a jawbreaker in it if you dweebs cooperate."

Eddy salivated for a second before regaining composure. "You're gonna' have to do better than that, Boxhead. Like a whole a _garage_ better."

"How about I raise you one jawbreaker and a knuckle sandwich?"

"Sorry Kevvo," Eddy walked ahead of him. "We're a little too busy for your sorry ante."

"Fine," Kevin lurched his bicycle in front of the Eds and blocked their path. "Do this for me and you get every jawbreaker in my garage. But you have to pull it off, or no deal."

Eddy's eyes lit with sparkling glee. "NOW you're talking!"

"Eddy, I don't like how this is sounding," Edd trembled.

"Shut it and let me work my magic, Sockhead."

"But Eddy…"

"Ed!" Eddy pointed to Edd. "Take care of this, will ya?"

"With bells in my ears, Eddy!" Ed swept ground and muffled his protests with his jacket; bringing Edd into close proximity to Sheldon Junior, the Second. Edd quickly exhausted himself kicking and screaming into Ed's side.

"Now," Eddy turned back to Kevin. "What kind of stuff are we talkin' about?"

"I'll tell ya' later. Find me during Study Hall." Kevin sped off on his bike toward the school.

Eddy glanced over at Ed. He still hauled Edd, but the thin boy's body was limp. He was unconscious.

"I said TAKE CARE of him! I didn't say SUFFOCATE him, Numbskull!"

"I'm an Edaconda, Eddy!"

"Give it a rest, Lumpy. That bit was over five pages ago!"

_

"Yo! May!" Lee tugged at May's hoodie as she came outside. "Where's your sister?"

"Right here."

"_Marie_, Stupid!"

"How should I know? You kicked her out last night."

"I didn't kick her all the way out. Just to the sofa!"

"Did she know that?"

Lee cuffed May on the back of the head.

_

"Okay, so this is how you do this."

Nazz nodded in rapt attention.

Marie cleared her throat and dialed the school. After a few moments, she performed her best impression of her mother to the person on the other end of the line. "Good morning. This is Candace Kanker. I wanted to let you know that Marie is down with a stomach bug and won't be in today." She paused briefly for the other party. "Yes. That's M-A-R-I-E K-A-N-K-E-R." Another pause. "Fantastic. I'll let her know." Another pause. Marie rolled her eyes. "Alrighty. Thank you."

Marie hung up and grinned at Nazz who burst out laughing. "The beauty of this is, you can take a day off whenever you want and they won't call the truancy cops. Just don't do it more than a day, 'cuz they'll want a doctor's note."

"That is too cool!"

Marie pushed the phone toward Nazz. "Give it a shot?"

_

Edd noticed Eddy's mood was dramatically lighter since the walk to school. He even seemed to find history tolerable. Edd pondered Study Hall with foreboding. Yesterday's revelation left him confused and scared. Best-laid plans shattered before him. What would become of Nazz? She was key to his chance at normalcy. What would become of him?

"Sockhead." Eddy poked him from his train of thought.

'Yes?"

"Didn't you save _any_ of those pictures from yesterday?"

"Kevin stood over me the whole time, Eddy. There was no way. Besides, I'd never save something like that."

"Too bad. We could really use the leverage."

Eddy's eyes clouded over in thought. Edd returned to his mind, as well. He did save one picture. Marie and Nazz entwined against the bathroom counter. The shot he accidentally took was by far the most damaging. He knew better than to keep it, yet, he couldn't bring himself to destroy it. It symbolized something within him. Similar urges. A longing he had for someone else.

_

Having fed one another their fill of waffles, Marie and Nazz lounged and cuddled lazily in the den; alternately talking and mocking soap operas. They were set to have a lovely day until the doorbell rang.

"Uh-oh," Marie murmured. "Get down."

"Why?"

"Cops!"

"What?"

"Just get down. If they know you're here, they never leave."

Knuckles rapped at the door followed by another doorbell chime.

"Peach Creek Police. Open up."

Color drained from Nazz's face. "What do we do?"

"If we were dressed we could try running for it. We're pretty much caught. They'll call our parents, anyway."

"How did they know?"

"I don't know. That phone thing usually works."

The officer knocked at the door again. "I know you're in there. Come to the door please. Don't make this difficult."

"Isn't there anything we can do?"

"No. Once they put the cops on, you're busted. I'm sorry, Nazz."

Nazz grimaced as Marie stood up, cinched her bathrobe and stepped toward the door. The officer knocked again.

"We're coming. Keep your shirt on," Marie growled.

Marie unlocked the door and opened it. On the other side stood a heavy-set police officer. A female partner stood near a cruiser at the end of Nazz's front walk.

"Marie Kanker? Nazz Feltwick?"

"Yeah?" Marie crossed her arms and leaned into the door frame as Nazz toed out from behind her.

"I'm here on a truant violation regarding the two of you. Where are your parents?"

"My mom's at work and I'm sure her parents are, too."

"Is this true?" The officer looked at Nazz. "I'll have to take you both in if it is."

Marie sighed and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, it is."

The officer motioned to his partner who strode up the walk. "This is Officer Gwen. She'll come in so you can dress."

"Can't we just get a ticket?"

"Not with repeat offenders," The woman answered. "Let's go get some clothes on."

Marie growled and climbed the stairs with Nazz and the officer. They took turns dressing in Nazz's room. When each came out, they were patted down, handcuffed and led to the back of the police cruiser. Nazz wanted to cry, but fought against it. Marie sat in her seat looking thoroughly tough and completely disaffected. The more Nazz looked at her, the more aroused she felt. Nazz leaned into her girlfriend's side. "Oh my Gawd. You are so hot right now," she whispered.

Marie looked at her as if she was insane, then the two burst into laughter.

_

"So, where's Shovelchin?" Eddy looked around impatiently. "I wanna' get this thing on, already."

"I'm right here, Flathead." Kevin stalked up from behind. "Let's go."

Ed, Edd and Eddy followed Kevin to the back of the Library stacks. Kevin looked around to make sure no one else was around.

Eddy cleared his throat and looked bored while Edd trembled nervously.

"Alright. Here's the deal. I need you guys to start romancin' the Kankers."

"WHAT?! Are you effing NUTS!?"

"Keep it down, Ed-Head!" Kevin smacked Eddy's head with his ballcap. "You want everybody back here?"

"Hell yeah! Boxhead Kev lost his last screw!"

"Listen, Dorky. I'm not joking around. It's obvious the Kankers are chasing me and Nazz because you guys are playing too hard to get. You need to do is romance 'em a little and get 'em off our backs."

"Yeah, right! I gotta' tell ya' brother," Eddy smirked. "Watching Lee put her mouth on you is about the prettiest thing I've seen outside of a '_Jiggy-Jiggy_' mag. There is NO WAY I'm going to mess with that!"

"What about Nazz?" Kevin looked sly.

"What about her," Eddy growled.

"You saw what was going on yesterday. As long as Marie doesn't have her Double-D, we have no chance with Nazz."

"No kidding," Eddy snarled. "Nazz n' Marie? That's just sick! Why get naked with a Kanker when she's got a fine choice like me?"

Kevin bust out in derisive laughter.

"Actually Eddy," Edd interjected. "Mother says people don't choose to be gay. She told me it's just something that happens during fetal development."

The boys looked at Edd suspiciously. "And why would you randomly discuss being gay with your mom?"

Edd bit his lower lip, blushed deeply and visibly shook. "Guh! This conversation IS about Nazz, correct?"

Kevin crossed his arms. "Unless you have something you'd like to share." Eddy leaned against a bookshelf. Both looked squarely at Edd whose eyes darted around wildly as he quaked.

"Why no! Not at all! We're all friends right? And what friends keep secrets from each other? I'm not keeping any secrets. No sir! There are no wild revelations happening with me. Why, just the other day…"

Eddy raised his hand. "Whatever, Romeo. Just don't get any ideas in the locker room."

"If you two are done holding hands, can we get back to the subject?"

"Yeah-yeah," Eddy looked bored. "I still say you're outta' your mind. Not even Nazz is enough for us to chase those skanks."

"Too bad," Kevin started strolling away. "Those jawbreakers aren't going to eat themselves. Dad just got a whole new shipment the other day, too. All experimental flavors."

"Eddy! No! It's a trick!" Edd latched onto Eddy's shoulders as he futilely tried to stop him. Eddy's tongue lolled so far from his mouth he practically walked on it as he followed Kevin.

"So," Kevin sneered. "We got a deal?"

"Yeah," Eddy drooled.

"Awesome." Kevin grinned. "Get the Kankers off our backs by Saturday and every jawbreaker in our garage is yours."

_

End of Part Nine.


	10. Chapter 10

**Honey DippED, Part Ten**

The squad car pulled up outside Lester's Fish Cannery, where Marie said her mother was most likely working. The heavy-set officer led Marie to the Foreman's office looking for her mother.

After several minutes, the Foreman returned with Candace. At first, she pretended to show gratitude to the officer for looking after Marie, but her demeanor quickly shifted when confronted with a court summons. "Marie Luanne," she growled. "We oughta' put ya' on the deboning line. That'll make her go to class, huh Frank?"

"Sorry, Candy," Frank the Foreman shook his head. "Can't do it with labor laws. Plus, she's not union."

_

Edd spent much of the afternoon fretting between what Eddy agreed to and Nazz and Marie's absence. He wanted to reach out to Marie and Nazz, but not within the context Kevin and Eddy envisioned. He figured yesterday's shocking discovery was the reason behind only two Kankers being at school. And what of poor Nazz? News of the couple shot through the student population faster than a flu virus. There was even talk of Nazz being off the cheerleading squad.

"She must feel so alone," Edd murmured absently.

"Who? Sarah? Jimmy's right there."

"No, Eddy. I was thinking of someone else."

"Psyching yourself up for Marie, huh?" Eddy nudged him.

"Ehm, no," Edd edged back a bit. "I think you're on your own for this one."

"Whaaat!?" Eddy made a swipe for Edd's collar, but missed him by an inch. "Whaddya' mean 'on my own?' We're in this together, Sockhead! Just like every other scheme!"

"Can't you see Kevin's clouded your judgment? He's sending us into the lion's den! There won't be any jawbreakers! There are never any jawbreakers. It's all a trick!"

"Don't you think I know that?" Eddy sneered. "All we have to do is twist things in our favor. Sap it up with the girls until they're putty in our fingers. Then we get _them_ to get the jawbreakers for us. Easy as pie."

"Oh, and there won't be _any consequences_ when the Kankers figure out they've been used!"

"All we have to do is put them back on Kevin. As long I get a garage full of jawbreakers, it's a happy ending no matter what."

"You are unbelievable, Eddy."

"_Experimental flavors, Double-D_," Eddy sang. "You know you want in."

Edd crossed his arms. "I'd sooner streak the Peach Creek Spelling Bee."

"Ha!" Eddy threw an arm around Ed. "They'll be expecting it after your last performance."

"GUH!" Edd's face turned bright red. He tried to sputter a comeback and wound up walking away to a chorus of Ed and Eddy's laughter.

_

"If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. I don't care what you do, just be smart about it." Candy already lit her third cigarette for the drive back to Park n' Flush.

"If you're going to call out sick, call from the right damn number! Didn't I teach you anything?"

"I didn't think they'd check."

"Of course they're gonna' check! It's YOU! Now I have a court date on the 21st. You KNOW I don't have time for this crap!"

Candy stopped her truck abruptly in front of the trailer. "Be home when I get back!"

Marie jumped out and barely had the truck door shut before Candace started backing up.

Marie thought about Nazz as she watched her mother speed off.

_

Eddward didn't wait for Eddy or Ed to finish detention before walking home. He had someone else on his mind. Edd had no idea what made him so bold, but he lacked his usual hesitation when approaching Nazz's door. A second later, his finger pushed the doorbell. He hummed a little tune while waiting, but after several minutes it was clear no one was coming to the door. "Dearest Nazz. There's no reason to hide from me. I've come to express my support." Edd rang the bell again.

"She isn't home."

Edd jumped. "Jimmy! Sarah! How long have you been there?"

"We walked up after you did. How come you're here?"

"I-I have our homework assignments from school," Edd fumbled. "I figured she'd want to be caught-up."

"What makes you think she's going back?" Jimmy crossed his arms and looked smug. "She's off the cheerleading squad. Everyone knows about her and Marie. She's socially finished at Peach Creek."

"Just for kissing a girl? That's ridiculous!"

"Save it for the Gay-Straight Alliance," Sarah snipped. "Oh, wait. Peach Creek doesn't have one! I guess she's out of luck!"

"Jimmy, how can you act like this? Aren't you gay as well?"

"Excuse me? That word's getting hurled about rather freely, don't you think? I've waited years for this opportunity. I'm finally Captain of the Cobbler's Squad! With Nazz out of the picture, Sarah and I are finally moving up in the world."

Edd shook his head. "Nazz has shown you two nothing but kindness and this is how you repay her? I am appalled!"

"It's a dog-eat-dog world, Double-D," Jimmy snapped his fingers. "Or in this case, bitches!"

"My word!" Edd staggered backward in shock as Jimmy and Sarah strolled away laughing.

"Backstabbed by her own teammates. I can't believe it." Edd fished into his book bag for a pen and paper. "Nazz needs support more than I realized." He kneeled in front of a milk crate and jotted a quick note before folding it and hooking it under her door knocker.

_

"Where the Hell were you?!" Edd barely had his door open before Eddy launched into a verbal assault. "Ed thought you were abducted by aliens. It took me a freakin' hour to get him off of it!"

"I'm sorry, Eddy. I had things I needed to take care of. I can't wait for you to get out of detention every day."

"Yeah, right. Since when do you have a life?"

"Eddy, if you're going to stand there and insult me, I need to go. It's almost dinnertime."

"Oh, no you don't! You're not slipping out of THIS. You are going to help us get those jawbreakers."

"Eddy, there are far bigger issues going on in this Cul-de-sac than Kevin's jawbreakers. Haven't you heard what happened to Nazz?"

"Yeah, we all saw it. So what?"

"So?! She's off the cheerleading squad! Jimmy's the new captain!"

"Goody. Maybe he'll break a nail."

"Eddy, don't you see what's happening? All of Nazz's friends are turning against her. Pretty soon, she'll be as popular as… We are."

"What's that supposed to mean? We're popular! Now, if she slips all the way down to Jonny 2x4, I'd worry. Besides, she still has Marie to cuddle."

"Even though Kevin wants us to turn Marie against her? Eddy, wake up! Nazz is in the midst of a real crisis!"

"Whatever," Eddy waved him off. "Come find me when you're done talkin' nonsense."

Edd sighed and rolled his eyes in exasperation as he closed the door.

"REMEMBER SOCKHEAD," The door vibrated with Eddy's voice. "WE ONLY HAVE 'TILL SATURDAY!"

_

In a show of rare obedience, Marie stayed at home and got ahead on laundry and fixing dinner. She was in the midst of mopping floors when her sisters came home. "Lemony fresh," Lee sniffed. "Wait. Whose in our trailer?"

"It's me, stupid," Marie growled.

"Wow. This place hasn't smelled this nice since Double-D was doing that reverse-cicle-ology thing. What's the occasion?"

"I'm bored. Mom said to stick around 'till she got home."

"Sounds like somebody's busted."

"Yeah… Truant ticket."

"Pbthththt-ha-ha-ha! You!? I thought you wrote the book on ditchin' class."

"Yeah, well… Cops musta' read it."

"Poor kid. Ya' missed a fun day at school."

"Like I care."

"Ya' oughta care. Your main squeeze ain't Homecoming Queen."

"What?"

"She's been kicked outta' cheerleading and the Student Association," May dribbled. "She's probably not even gym assistant, either."

"Someone even wrote 'LEZBO' all over her locker," Lee added.

Marie crossed her arms and scowled. "_Was it you_?"

"Nope. Someone got there before we did."

"You'd better not have," Marie snarled.

"Or what?" Lee smirked.

"You're forgetting I also wrote the book on revenge." Marie set the mop down and perched herself on the kitchen counter. "Speaking of which…" She lifted a pair of nearby scissors and snipped them in front her sisters. "Go check your underwear drawer."

Within moments an anguished scream emanated from the bedroom. "MARIE!"

_

"YUCKY! EVIL! MUSHY GIRLS!" Ed flew into a panic as Edd tried to calm him down.

"Ed please, I'm sure you misunderstood!"

"MAY NO GOOD FOR ED! NO MORE POOKY BEAR! NO MORE KISSING!"

Eddy shot Ed and Edd a disgusted look before fishing into his pants. He extracted a small frying pan inscribed with words, "In case of Ed-mergency." He brought the flat of the pan against Ed's head with a loud clang. Ed fell into a heap on Eddy's shag carpeting.

"DEAR ED!" Edd fished in his book bag for some smelling salts. "EDDY! How could you?!"

"What? It got him stopped, didn't it?"

"Don't you think that was a little hard on our friend?"

"Oh c'mon! His head's like 300% bone! I doubt he even felt that!"

Edd fished the smelling salts from his school bag and wafted them under Ed's nose. "Eddy, I really think we need to have a talk about how you treat your friends."

"Suck it up, Sockhead. Just because you want to be Mr. Sensitive all the time doesn't mean the rest of us have to."

Edd saw the smelling salts had no affect on Ed. "You've really done it this time, Eddy. I can't rouse him."

"Of course not. This is ED you're dealing with."

Eddy grabbed a coat hanger from his closet and bent it into a long hook. He then used it to pull one of Ed's shoes off and hook a sock. Rank odor quickly overwhelmed the room.

"Oh my! Stinky! Stinky! Stinky!" Edd grabbed his nose and darted away from the visibly steaming sock.

Without ceremony, Eddy plopped the sock across Ed's face.

"Okay," Edd frowned over his knuckles. "How often have you done this?"

"First time. Honest." Eddy chuckled. "What?"

"Mmm! What's cookin' guys?" Ed sleepily lolled his head about and took a deep whiff of his musty sock. "Can I lick the spoon?"

"There. See? Good as new." Eddy rehooked Ed's sock with the coat hangar and flipped it outside. Ed tried to follow it, but crashed into Eddy's door just as he slammed it shut. "Can we get back to the subject, now?"

"EDDY!" Edd snarled uncharacteristically.

"Oh, for the love of...! GET OVER IT!"

"Eddy, I can no longer stand by and watch you habitually abuse our friend."

"What? You mean _that_?"

Edd crossed his arms and glared at Eddy.

"Oh, poor baby." Eddy rolled his eyes and threw his voice into his best mommy-falsetto. "Come here Lumpy. Let me kiss your boo-boo all better."

"Gross!" Ed backed away from Eddy.

"See? Even he isn't goin' for that sissy stuff! Can we give it a rest now?! I swear you act more like Jimmy every day."

"I DO NOT!" Edd slung his book bag over his shoulder and angrily collected his things.

"What's with the menstrual cycle, Double-D? You've been fifteen degrees of crazy since yesterday!"

"Oh, is that what you think I am," Edd hissed. "You think I'm crazy?"

Ed looked apprehensive of Edd's new demeanor. Edd brandished his finger at Eddy like a rapier. Ed cowered.

"Let me tell you something! I've turned a blind eye to your behavioral flaws long enough! The manner in which you take advantage of people is positively odious, Eddy! You used to be fun. You used to value your friends' input! Say nothing of our feelings! You even state over and over that Nazz is your girl. Yet, when she's in crisis, you could care less! You don't care about anyone! Until you can prove you have at least ONE redeemable quality, I refuse to be party to anything having to do with you! As of right now, you and I are ON HIATUS!"

"Fine! Ed and I will get those jawbreakers without you! We're also eating them without you, too!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"FINE!"

"FINE!"

"Get outta' my room!"

Edd pulled Eddy's door open and stepped through it before turning around. "I'm also seeing Principal Antonucci in the morning. You'll have to find another tutor."

"Whatever." Eddy shut the door in Edd's face.

"Hmph!" Edd stalked toward the street. He then paused. Not so much to gaze back at Eddy's door, but to peer toward Nazz's home. The upstairs lights were on. He wondered if she was okay.

_

Nazz hadn't been grounded in years. Now she faced a two week grounding, plus the daunting task of cleaning out the garage. The only family in the cul-de-sac who packed their garage with more stuff was Ed's family.

Nazz took a break from vacuuming the stairs to look out the window. She wondered how Marie was doing. She knew her sisters could be harsh, but what of her mother? How would she respond? She also wondered how her friends reacted to the news of her and Marie. She waved at Sarah and Jimmy from the window, but neither of them acknowledged her. At the other end of the street, she saw Edd looking toward her house. He didn't turn his back to her.

_

Marie waited several hours to learn her punishment. It was almost bedtime and her mother was taking forever to get home. "What a gyp," she thought. "I coulda' been out doin' stuff all this time."

When headlights finally lit the trailer window, they came from a rusted out 1972 Plymouth Duster with mismatched doors and bald tires. Marie watched Frank pull her very drunk mother from the car and carry her to the trailer door. Candace giggled and lost a shoe. She acted as if she was crossing a honeymoon threshold. She placed several sloppy kisses on Frank's face and neck before he got the door open. It was obvious she'd forgotten all about her summons. "Greeeeeeat," Marie sneered.

Frank stumbled into the trailer and dumped Candace on the sofa before toppling on top of her. The two proceeded to make-out without any notice of Marie standing just feet away.

Any incentive Marie had for staying clearly evaporated. Disgusted, she slid her arms into her jacket and slipped into the cold night to strains of Frank and Candy's intoxicated grunting and grappling.

_

Marie was relieved to find Nazz's bedroom light was on. No amount of pinecones would bring her to the window, however. "She must really be in trouble," Marie whispered to herself. She felt bad for her lover. She would've given anything to merely lie within the sumptuous warmth of Nazz's embrace.

Marie could feel the cold seeping through her jacket. She couldn't go home. Her mother's drunken liaisons tended to be pervs as well. She didn't want to deal with some hairy smelly slob wanting a second round in the middle of the night; especially without her sisters to help fight him off.

"Brr." Shivers ran through Marie's body as she tried to figure out what to do. She didn't know where else to go. She trudged back toward the street. On her way, she noticed a folded piece of paper lying in Nazz's yard. She unfolded it. In neat cursive, it read:

"_Dear Nazz,_

_Please know that you're not alone. I'm here if you need to talk._

_-Eddward_"

Marie refolded the note and slid it into her jacket pocket. At least someone was accepting. She looked down the street toward his house and saw his light was still lit. She then palmed a few remaining pinecones from Nazz's yard before walking toward Edd's driveway.

_

Edd reclined against his headboard and gazed at a small collection of photos from the Eds' past exploits. He'd even saved a copy of the hideous school photo that Kevin ruined. Poor Eddy. No amount of crayon drawings or cajoling could get him the key to his brother's room. Edd wished there was another way to get through to his callous friend.

Something struck his window frame. It happened again after a few moments.

Edd was irritated at first. Eddy knows not to throw things at the house. Still, part of him was relieved. Eddy finally came to his senses. Maybe this time, he'll listen.

Instead of going to his window, Edd decided it was better to meet Eddy at the screen door. They could talk quietly without disturbing his parents. Edd pulled a bathrobe over his pajamas and slipped silently downstairs to beckon Eddy to the side of the house. His heart sang with the prospect of reconciling with his friend; perhaps more than it should've.

"Eddy?" Edd called out hopefully. "Eddy?"

"Nope," a familiar girl's voice responded. "It's me."

"Marie?!" Edd staggered back, aghast. "W-what are you doing here?"

"I've got nowhere to go. I was hoping for some help."

"Gracious," Edd still trembled. He wasn't sure if the cold made him shiver or if it was his proximity to a Kanker. She looked unsure and vulnerable in the cold.

"Can I at least come in for a minute? It's so cold out here."

"Aaah, well, I don't know. Mother wouldn't approve."

"I promise I won't do anything. Please? I'm freezing!"

Edd closed his eyes and sighed. It was a stupid risk, but he couldn't turn her away. "Come with me. You can warm up in the kitchen."

Marie followed Edd to the screen door and stepped into the house. "We have to keep it down," Edd warned. "My parents are still sleeping."

"Got it." Marie shucked her coat and mittens as Edd pulled a chair out for her.

"Um, would you like some tea or anything? My mother has some wonderful herbals. I find the pomegranate rooibos particularly delightful."

Marie sniffled and looked at Edd, suddenly exhausted. "I'm not much of a tea person, thanks. It's fine if you wanna' fix some for yourself."

"Are you sure?"

"The bathroom is really all I need."

"Oh! Absolutely." Edd motioned her to a bathroom near the kitchen. Marie grinned gratefully. "Thanks."

Edd felt creepy standing by the door waiting for Marie to finish, so he crept back to the kitchen. He decided he wanted some tea, anyway. Surely if he brewed some, she would partake. Edd so busied himself with heating water and brewing he failed to notice Marie left the bathroom and wandered into the den. She yawned and stretched out on the sofa; letting the combo of plush cushions and aroma from Edd's tea steep to work their magic. It took only moments to drift off to sleep.

Edd poured two mugs of his favorite tea and brought them to the table. "Marie?" He looked around. "Marie?" The bathroom was empty. Surely she hadn't left. Edd continued looking for her and calling quietly. Rhythmic breathing reached his ears when he came into the den.

Edd tried to wake her but his efforts were for naught. She was completely out. "Oh dear," he fretted. "Mother will not approve."

Edd stood and watched Marie's sleeping form for a while. He then removed a throw from a nearby chair and laid it over her. He'd explain things tomorrow. For now, his bed beckoned. He returned to his room and locked his door just in case.

_

End of Part Ten.


	11. Chapter 11

**Honey DippED, Part Eleven**

Edd woke and descended the stairs with some trepidation. Leaving Marie to snooze on the sofa was worth at least ten or twelve sticky notes. The morning sun hadn't lit the house yet, but it was light enough to see Marie was gone. The throw he laid over her body was neatly folded and returned to its normal resting place. Edd hoped his mother hadn't thrown her out.

There was one sticky note about Marie, but it didn't say much beyond a gentle rebuke about overnight guests. All other notes he found were normal requests for chores or reminders of various house rules.

Edd hoped everything was okay as he set about taking care of his paper route.

_

Eddy also woke early. Though he preferred to take longer; he could go from zero to sexified in five minutes. He needed extra time to suave Ed out, however. It would've been nice to have Edd's help. Only Edd knew the secret to talking Ed into a shower. Eddy eventually had to trick Sarah to bully him into it.

_

Once the papers were delivered, Edd returned to his house to pick up his school bag. On a normal morning, he'd have to race across the street to rouse Eddy. He had to consciously stop himself. That friendship was on hold. Edd stood in his driveway and wondered about Ed, but Sarah usually took care of him.

"I guess I'll just be early today," he sighed.

Edd turned to start the walk to school when he heard a jacket rustle behind him. Marie tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey."

Edd jumped. "Marie! Nazz!"

"Thanks for puttin' me up, last night."

"I came downstairs looking for you and you were gone. I pray Mother didn't throw you out."

"Nah. She wanted to cook breakfast, actually. She's pretty nice."

Marie produced a blue bag from Digg's Donuts and handed it to him. "These are for you."

"Oh! Marie! You didn't have to do this. Let me pay for them."

"Nonsense. They're free."

"Was there a special?"

"Mr. Underwood is one of Lee's uncles. He's really nice to us. If we show up early enough, he lets us set up the counter."

"Well, thank you very much." Edd slipped the bag into his school bag. "If you don't mind, I'd like to save these for lunch. They smell wonderful."

"No problem," Nazz giggled and linked arms with Marie.

"Care to walk to class together?"

"Absolutely."

_

"What the..? What's Double-D doing with MARIE?"

"Donuts."

"AND GETTIN' DONUTS FROM HER?!"

Eddy's face reddened very quickly as he walked with Ed. "I see your game NOW, you sneaky son of a b--."

"Like Monopoly?"

"Yeah! Double-D's trying to _monopolize_ the jawbreakers for himself! He's already workin' on Marie!"

"Gross!"

"Not if we play this right. We're going to have to step up our game, Big Guy. Man, I hope he hasn't already snaked us with her sisters."

Eddy smacked himself in the head, "I can't believe I just said that!"

"I can't believe it's not butter."

"Shut-up Ed."

_

The only warm reception Nazz found that morning came from Marie. Apart from Edd, no one at school even pretended to know her. Worse, her locker still featured the previous day's graffiti. Her lock was so saturated in Vaseline, she had to ask Marie to pick it for her. Marie looked at the defaced locker in disgust and invited Nazz to keep her books in the Boiler Room.

Eddward asked the Janitor for some cleaning spray to erase the glaring 'LEZBO' which could be read from all the way down the hall. The locker stayed clean for all of one period until someone marked it with even uglier terms.

Nazz expected some backlash from being found with Marie, but nothing like this. In the space of just a few classes, she discovered the Student Association cut her as Student-Teacher Ambassador and replaced her with Sarah. Coach Kubat took her Gym Assistant badge, whistle and clipboard away. Jimmy informed her, sneeringly, of Miss Alberghetti's decision to remove her from the Cheerleading Squad and make him Captain. Principal Antonucci empathized with her plight, but claimed there wasn't much he could do. This was especially true now that she had a record for skipping school.

Nazz numbly wandered to the abandoned bathroom in hope of finding Marie. Instead, she found the sign on the door defaced. Crude marker added an extra female groping the woman symbol. 'Ladies' was also marked out and replaced with 'LEZBOS.'

"You goin' in or what?" May pushed past her. She tried to open the bathroom door but it wouldn't budge. May shoved at the door a few more times. "Oh, no."

"Whatsamatta' May?" Lee strolled up behind them.

"The door's locked! They closed off our bathroom!"

"Whaaaat?" Lee also tried the door. "You're kidding me."

Both Kankers glared at Nazz as she backed away.

"I'm sorry."

"You oughta' be," Lee snipped. "Everything was fine before you messed around with Marie."

"Leave her alone," Marie's voice echoed toward them from the end of the hallway.

"Yeah right. Why?"

"Because your underwear drawer is nothin' compared to what I'll do if you don't back off."

Nazz took advantage of Marie's distraction to sneak away.

"I oughta' do somethin' after that!" Lee stepped toward Marie. "Do you know how hard it's gonna' be to replace all those panties? Vanessa's Confession just got new security tags!"

"So, just go without. It'll deepen your camel toes."

"I don't need beauty advice from you, Blue Hair. My camel toes are already pretty."

"Mom's right," May dribbled. "Of the three of us, Lee's gonna' get a man first."

Marie had a killer comeback loaded, but didn't pull the trigger. Instead she peered over her shoulder at movement down the hall. Eddy and Ed, marched toward them fully-plumed in fake facial hair, pomade, bling and ridiculous throwbacks from the disco era.

"Looks like they're already linin' up."

"What's swingin' mommas?" Eddy tried his best bravado to kill his nerves and nausea more than anything else.

"Huh..?" Lee backed on her heels.

"Excuse me," Marie stepped in front of her sisters. "May we help you? You look lost. In _time_."

Eddy checked his coif and made eyes at Marie. "Today's your lucky day. It just so happens you _can_ help us with something."

"Are you from Tennessee?" Ed waggled his brow at them. "Because you're the only tens I see!"

"Not now, Stupid," Eddy growled.

"Oy. Gimme a break." Marie turned and slinked off to find Nazz.

"No-no, wait! We really do need your help! We're taking a survey and wanted to know: Do you believe in love at first sight or should we walk up again?"

"That's our Mom's favorite line," May gushed.

Ed chuckled. "I like, 'All those curves and me with no brakes!'"

"Let me guess," Lee put her hands on her hips. "You've been reading 'Dames, Dates and You,' right?"

"Uh," Eddy swallowed hard. "Yeah."

"Mom used to read that for bedtime stories!" May bubbled nostalgic. "Did you get to the chapter about Dime Store Divas?"

"Bah. 'Dime Store' felt rushed," Lee drawled. "The 'Back Alley Sallies' was much better written."

"That chapter's too technical. It takes all the romance out of the book."

"Yeah, but it comes right back in 'Parking Lot Patsies.' You gotta' set it up, first. That's what makes it great."

"Ehm, so Ladies," Eddy tried to regain control over the situation. "Whaddya' say we bring the story to life?"

"Sorry, Romeo." Lee stepped past him. "We're here for somebody else."

"Huh?" Eddy's eyes widened in shock.

"And there he is!" May pointed and swooned. Kevin instantly stiffened in fear and tried to run as the Kankers took off after him.

Lee threw a kiss before darting around a corner. "Better luck next time, boys!"

_

"What in Sam Hill?" Edd stepped closer to Nazz's newly defaced locker. "Who keeps doing this? I had it clean less than an hour ago."

"You might as well let it go," Marie came up behind him. "She isn't using it anymore."

"I can't just ignore this."

"Yeah, but what are ya' gonna' do? It's not as if people are going to suddenly forget just because you erased some marker."

"This isn't just about Nazz, Marie. This is indicative of a much bigger problem."

Edd rifled through his school bag for some cleaning cloths and spray.

"Suit yourself, I guess." Marie sighed. "Judging from how people were at our last school, you're gonna' be doing that a lot."

_

"I don't get it." Eddy loaded his lunch tray with spaghetti and garlic bread as Ed started eating his in line.

"We spend all year being chased, mauled, kissed and stalked by the Kankers, yet the second we dish ourselves up they IGNORE us!"

Ed chewed until he could make some room in his mouth. "Playing hard to get?"

"What is up with girls?! Hasn't anyone explained 'bird in the hand' to them? Chicks freakin' line up to get a turn with my bro! What's his secret? We ought to be fightin' em' off with a bat by now."

"I can think of some other things I could do with a bat," Kevin snarled behind them. He smelled very strongly of Crankshaft #5.

"Heh-heh-hey Kev," Eddy chuckled nervously. "Sorry about this morning. No idea what happened back there."

"Yeah, well figure it out. I'm getting' tired of taking a shower every two classes."

"At least you don't have to deal with Marie, right? Heh-heh! Right Kev?"

"You just make sure you get 'em reigned in. I don't care how you do it. Just get 'em off me. By SATURDAY."

"We're on it, Kevvo. Trust me!"

"I've heard that before." Kevin stalked away.

_

Edd busily reshelved library books in the back of the Library after checking them in for Miss Connor. Working in the library was one of Edd's secret pleasures. He enjoyed the meticulous cataloguing and organizing. He also loved listening to Miss Connor's perfect lilting British accent as she helped students find various resources. It wouldn't have taken much to get him to admit he had a mild crush on her.

Gentle arms circled Edd's shoulders and waist as he returned to the book cart for another stack of books. A soft cheek nestled into his for a brief delightful hug. Edd fought to overcome being stunned by this new unexpected affection. He was even more surprised to discover the hug came from Nazz.

Nazz took his hands into hers and lit his shy green eyes with vivid blue ones. "Marie found your note."

"Ehm, well… I-I… Ehm. I figured if anyone deserves human kindness at this hour, it's you."

"Thank you, Double-D."

Despite her best attempt at feigning a smile, a tear dropped from her left eye. It was obvious she'd held it in for a long time.

"Nazz?"

She dropped into him with a much stronger, more desperate embrace. Her body racked with silent sobs as tears flowed freely. Edd delicately wrapped his arms around her shuddering form and guided her deeper into the stacks for privacy. There, he held her gently as he searched his mind for something to say; eventually realizing the best thing to say was nothing at all.

_

End of Part Eleven.


	12. Chapter 12

**Honey DippED, Part Twelve**

Even after she stopped crying, Nazz held Edd for a long time. For Marie, it was just another day. For Nazz, Peach Creek Junior High was a whole different world. She was the popular girl. She was the one everyone wanted to be friends with. She wasn't used to students or teachers being mean to her.

"I had no idea it would be like this," She finally broke the silence.

Edd handed her his backup hanky and adjusted his arm around her shoulders. "I'm truly embarrassed by our peers, Nazz. It pains me that our student body, nay our community, is so ignorant."

"Isn't there anything we can do?"

"Not that I'm aware of. I hate to say it, but you're setting a precedent. There haven't been any other known gay students at Peach Creek Junior High, so there isn't a support system in place for you. There's barely one for First Nations students and Jonny turned that into the Arbor Appreciation Society."

"How could this place not have ANY other gay students? That's unreal."

"I didn't claim there have never been any other gay students. I'm saying 'known' gay students. There may be plenty, but they've all stayed in the closet. Look what happened to you. They had all the reason in the world not to come out."

"That's so sad." Nazz thought quietly for a bit. "What if there are other gay students here now? What'll they do?"

"Nothing, I suppose." Edd regarded his own situation. Without support, he couldn't explore his identity either.

"We can't let this go on, Double-D."

"You know what," Edd lit up. "Sarah mentioned something interesting just yesterday. It might be just what this school needs. If you're free after school, would you like to meet back here and help with some research?"

"Awesome. Oh, wait. I'm still grounded."

"If you can't come, that's okay. I can still do some footwork. I'll let Miss Connor know." Edd got up from the floor and offered Nazz a hand. "She might even help."

Nazz giggled and let him help her up. "Thank you, Double-D." She pulled him into another embrace and kissed his cheek. "You're a wonderful friend."

Edd blushed deep red and waved lamely as she walked away.

_

"What the heck happened in here?" Lee turned a full three-sixty to take in the decorations Eddy and Ed put up while they were gone.

"Aaagh! It's going to take an hour to clean all this up!" May put her hands on her hips. "I'd like to know which Bozos thought this was funny!"

"Couldn't have been Marie. She's too lazy."

"She likes purple anyway. You wouldn't see this much red outside of a slasher flick."

Lee walked over to a card table the girls set up to draw on. "Bouquet of mushrooms? Peach cobbler? Comic books? Fringe made of dollar signs? What the heck?"

"Who'd do all this," May dribbled. She stuffed her mouth with peach cobbler.

"Ugh," Lee grabbed her nose. "It smells like socks."

"You don't think it was our boyfriend, do you?"

"Who knows?" Lee looked over more of the Boiler Room. "We've certainly loved him up enough. Maybe he thinks he owes us." Lee found another surprise. "TATER TOTS!"

"WHERE?!" May instantly zeroed in on the tray of tater tots and greedily began inhaling them. "Mmmmph! Shtill fresh n' warmph from tha' cafeteriaph!" A piece of paper hung from the corner of May's mouth as she stuffed her face.

"Slow down, Vac-U-Lux. There's a note!"

Lee snatched the note away from May and studied it. "What's this nonsense?"

"Read it, Leeph," May chewed.

Lee studied the note some more and shook her head. "I can't make heads or tails of this."

"C'mon Lee!" May swallowed. "Read it already!"

"Alright-alright!" Lee turned the paper and looked at it again before clearing her throat.

"_A sea of green, and tangerine  
Your hair and eyes gleam true  
With pools of blue, so blonde I swoon  
Your brilliance outshines the moon_

_The Trailer Park is Montmartre  
When the sisters are at home  
Beckoning grins and soft-cleft chins  
Lead to our heart's abode._

_Sisters three, we beg of thee  
Bear joy to our desiring  
Ruby lips and swinging hips  
Clammy feet and strong buck teeth  
Fill our arms with your sweet charms  
Let love no longer tarry."_

May blinked. "What's that supposed to be?"

"Some kind of code, I guess. It's lousy poetry."

"Weird." May tucked back into the remaining tater tots.

"It's a love note, Lee." Marie breezed down the steps into the boiler room. "It's code for come get some."

"Like you'd know."

"Heck yeah, like I'd know! While you were busy chasing boys behind the dumpsters, I got quite a few of those."

"They don't count if they come from girls, Marie."

"Says you."

"Whatever. It's probably a joke, anyway. It's not even signed."

"Do ya' need a brick dropped on your head? Figuring out who wrote it is part of the game." Marie gestured around the room. "Look around. All these things are clues. Pretty obvious ones."

"Okay," Lee put her hands on her hips. "Since you're such an expert, who did it?"

"You've got red, peach cobbler and tater tots from the cafeteria, mushrooms, moldy sock smell and comic books, right?"

"Yeah, so?"

"So, think about it." Marie pointed to each clue as she spoke. "A plate of peach cobbler naturally represents the Cobs. Red is the color of the jerseys for Martin University. Football players try to get scholarships to Martin so they can go pro. If a player goes pro, he gets big money, right?"

Lee and May nodded.

"Hence the dollar signs," Marie gestured. "Of course, the comic books represent a football hero's fabled life."

"Oooh, good one," May gushed. "What about these?"

"Tater tots are made from potatoes, right?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, so you have potatoes, stink, and mushrooms. Who do you know is involved with all those things?"

Lee and May stood silently.

"Duh! C'mon girls! Farms! Potatoes grow on farms. Farms have stinky animals and fertilizer and mushrooms grow in fertile stinky places. It's laughably obvious!"

"What is?" Lee scratched her chin.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe that the football player and his farmer friend are waiting for you."

"It IS our boyfriend, Lee!" May danced around excitedly.

"And the tall kid with the accent," Lee considered him. "He's pretty exotic."

"And a great dancer, I'll bet." Marie nudged Lee. "Strong arms. Tall. Dark. Foreign. What are ya' still standin' around here, for?"

May instantly broke into a hearty froth. "C'MON LEE! LET'S GO GET OUR MEN!"

"Way ahead of you, May!" Lee had her lipstick drawn faster than a gunslinger could squeeze off a round. "I've got the tall one!"

"And I've got the jock!"

Both girls almost knocked Nazz over as they raced past her up the steps. She took a second to regain her poise and met Marie with a kiss and embrace.

"What was that about?"

"Wild goose chase. They'll be gone for at least an hour."

"I think I see where this is going."

Kisses turned passionate and clothes loosened en route to a beanbag chair Lee stole from the counselor's office.

_

"Hey, No-Neck!" Kevin sidled up to Eddy and Ed as they worked on a new scam in Art class. "Make yourself useful and go butter-up your harpies."

Eddy looked at Lee and May as they checked their makeup before staring dreamily at Kevin and Rolf.

"No way! They're loaded!"

"I said get a move on!" Kevin shoved Eddy toward the table where Lee and May perched themselves. "Dedicate some art to 'em or something. Chicks seem to like that."

"Those aren't chicks. They're Kankers."

"Don't make me kick your ass." He grabbed Ed by the collar and shoved him as well. "You too, Bonehead."

Eddy glared at Kevin and straightened out his clothes. He then walked the remaining steps needed to reach the Sisters' table. "So, Ladies? How's it hanging?"

"What?" May blinked.

"Hey, could you step a little that way?" Lee motioned Eddy to the left. "You're blockin' our view."

The boys obliged and were rewarded with lovesick sighs from Lee and May.

"Ahem," Eddy started again. "So, Ladies. You like art?"

The girls batted their eyelashes and waved coyly toward Kevin and Rolf.

"Hello? Lee?" Eddy waved his hand in front of Lee's face. "Your prince is here."

"He sure is." Lee's gaze at Rolf remained unbroken.

"HEY," Eddy snarled. "Hot stuff! Over here!" Eddy snapped his fingers at her nose.

"Whadda' YOU want?!" Lee turned to knock Eddy on his ass. "Can't you see we're busy?!"

"Hold the knuckle sandwich for just a second, Lee! Ed drew a picture for you!"

"He did? Aww!" May swooned. "What a sweetie!"

Eddy grabbed the back of Ed's jacket and shirt and lifted them to show his back. "Look May! It's dedicated to you!"

May's charmed face instantly dropped into shock. Her eyes welled with tears. "WHAT THE HECK'S THAT S'POSED TO MEAN?"

"Huh?" Eddy looked at the art on Ed's back. Ed's connect-the-dot art now featured a pig.

"Ed! What the Hell?"

"I drew Wilfred, Eddy!"

May burst into tears and ran from the classroom.

"That's it!" Lee knocked both Eddy and Ed to the ground and tied them into granny knots before depositing both of them into trashcans. "Nobody makes my sister cry but ME! Got it?"

"YesSsMaaAm…" Eddy moaned.

Lee stomped into the hallway looking for May.

"Nice one, Dorks." Kevin gave them a mock thumbs-up.

_

End of Part Twelve


	13. Chapter 13

**Honey DippED, Part Thirteen**

"I don't get it!" Eddy slammed his locker shut. We tried being smooth, flirting, love notes, food and gifts and they act like we're not even here."

"Maybe some art!"

"Yeah, let's get our asses kicked again. That was brilliant, Lumpy."

"SCHLORK!" Rolf broke past the Ed and Eddy at breakneck speed trying to get away from something. "RUN ED BOYS! RUN FOR YOUR MISERABLE NO GOOD LIVES!"

"What's with you!?"

"WARLORDS! VALKARIES! SHEPHERDS OF VALHALLA! SOME HELP FOR ROLF!"

"I haven't seen him move that fast since my bro came back to visit."

Familiar ominous laughter slithered through their ears. Lee and May Kanker bounced effortlessly after Rolf as he crashed into a door. He desperately fought to push his way through the door before dissolving into complete panic.

"Aw, c'mon Dreamboat," Lee teased. "At least make it interesting."

"Hounds of Odin! Take pity on Rolf!" He darted in a full circle before picking a direction to continue his flight.

"Awroooooo," Lee howled before taking off after him.

Under any other circumstance, Eddy would've died from laughter. Instead his face flushed with frustration.

"Dammit! Why aren't they chasing us!? It wasn't even two days ago they couldn't leave us alone! What gives!?"

_

Edd perched in front of a Library computer and hummed contentedly as his fingers tapped as he keyed various searches into its browser. The humming stopped after a few moments. His face grimaced with consternation. Every link his searches produced were blocked by the content blocker.

"Odd." Edd tried searches with gay, lesbian, bi, homosexual, queer and GLBT. The only way to look up anything would be to get Miss Connor involved. When he tried to enlist her help, she refused. District policy prevented her from facilitating research on any of those topics, regardless of purpose. Edd left in disgust. "This is a place of LEARNING," he ranted to himself. "How is it I can look up topics so scandalous as Thomas Edison's affairs, yet I can't gain access to basic GLBT info? Doesn't Harvey Milk have a rightful place in history? What of Michelangelo or Alexander the Great? What of Oscar Wilde? What of WALT WHITMAN?!"

_

"What's eatin' ya' babe?" Marie put an arm around Nazz to interrupt a moment of silent thought.

"Oh! Um, nothing! I was just, uh, trying to figure out what to cook for dinner tonight. Mom hasn't been to the store."

"Ah," Marie's face relaxed into a grin. "You looked troubled."

"Well, I am, kind of. I'm still grounded."

"I'm sorry about that. If I'd thought you'd get in trouble I wouldn't have tried that. I'm the one who deserves it. Not you."

"Aww!" Nazz snuggled into Marie's side. "That's so sweet!"

The two girls continued lounging together until Marie drifted into a light nap and Nazz's thoughts returned to what troubled her.

_

"Man," Eddy studied obscene graffiti scrawled on Nazz's locker. "Edd's right. This stuff is brutal."

"May I _help_ you two?" Edd walked up from behind, looking suspicious. "You're not contributing to this, are you?"

"No! It was like this when we walked up."

"No drawing on lockers for me, Double-Dee! My mom said that's for nasty ne'er do wells!"

"That's okay, Ed," Edd scratched Ed's head with a gloved hand. "I believe you."

"What am I? Shredded newsprint?"

"I'm not so certain you could spell some of these words, Eddy." Edd sighed and reached into his book bad for cleaning supplies.

"Oh, ha-ha. What are you doin' over here, anyway? I thought you weren't talking to me."

"I'm making an exception only so I may continue my duty to Nazz."

"…And Marie."

"By extension, perhaps."

"I knew it!" Eddy's mouth curled into a vicious snarl. "I knew you were trying to sabotage us!"

"Oh, for heaven's sake, Eddy! I could care less about Kevin's jawbreakers! I told you it's all a trick! He's just stringing you along!"

"Yeah? Well, I know for a fact you're cozying up to Marie! I saw her give you doughnuts this morning! Explain that!"

"I don't need to explain anything to you! You wouldn't listen anyway! Now, step aside!"

"No!"

"Fine then!" Edd raised his can of cleaning spray toward Eddy's face.

"DOUBLE-DEE! NO!" Ed tackled Edd to the floor.

"THATABOY ED! Take him off his high horse!"

"NO, EDDY!" Ed yanked Eddy to the floor and pinned both boys. "No more fighting," he growled. "You are friends once more or you'll stay here until you are!"

"Aaagh! Ed! Your pits are killin' me! Lemme go!"

"No! You make friends first!"

"Ed! Seriously! I'm gonna' be sick!"

"Ed's redolent body odor seems to have a different taint today."

"I put some of my bro's cologne on him."

Edd's eyes watered. "Interesting," he coughed. "You know sometimes that stuff goes funny as it ages; especially when it combines with sweat."

"You're tellin' me." Eddy struggled against Ed's grip. "You shoulda' whiffed him this morning. Sarah made him take a shower and he still smelled like a moldy jock strap."

"Sarah actually made him bathe!? Incredible." Edd tried adjusting his posture. "Did you use a loofah?"

"No. Just soap."

"Ah, there's your error, Eddy. Sometimes body odor goes below the top layer of skin. The key to reducing this kind of stink is exfoliation."

"If we'd taken any more off of him, the pipes woulda' clogged. You shoulda' seen the water! It was all grayish-yellowy-brown… and oily! If he ever falls into the ocean, he'll cause a twenty-kilometer grease slick."

"Thanks for the image, Eddy."

"No problem, Sockhead."

"We three are friends once more!" Ed released his hold and scooped the two boys into a strangling hug. "Happy together happily, guys!"

"Gugh," Edd gasped. "I think I preferred the floor."

"Aww, that's so sweet. Dork, Dorkk n' Dorky are faggin' out!" Kevin leaned against a locker and glared at them. "I guess I can take those jawbreakers off the table."

"Kevin! Wait!" Eddy broke from Ed's grasp. "It's not even Saturday, yet! We still have time!"

"Pshh. Yeah, right. The whole reason those trailer tramps aren't chasing you is because you guys are bigger fairies than Fluffy. I should've expected as much."

"Now just one minute, Mister," Edd stepped toward Kevin with a finger aimed at his chest. "I do not approve of your reckless use of derogatory homosexual terms!"

"Yeah? What're YOU gonna' do about it, Homo?"

"I'm going to start a student group! We're going to band together against the rampant hate and ignorance which makes gays and lesbians needlessly ashamed of who they are!"

Kevin rolled back on his heels and released a hearty guffaw. "Good luck with that, Double-Drip!" As he laughed a marker fell from his pocket.

"Well-well-well! What have we here?" Edd swept the marker from the floor with his handkerchief. His look grew even angrier. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about all the graffiti that's been appearing recently? Particularly around NAZZ'S LOCKER?"

"Whoah! No way, man. I only borrowed that for my Shop project."

"And could you kindly tell me whom you borrowed it from?"

"Uh… I don't remember."

"Um-hmm." Edd's eyes narrowed accusingly. "I wonder how convincing Nazz will find your story? Maybe I should run it by Principal Antonucci? He may find your recent creative outlet _very_ interesting."

"I told you, man. I didn't write all that crap!"

"Yet, you are the only one of us who'd gain from Nazz breaking up with Marie, correct? So, why not pressure them to break up with hateful names and threats? And what of your access to the coaching staff? A Gym Assistant has home phone numbers. I imagine calling the right people and leaking certain news is all it would take to get Nazz kicked off the Lady Cobs. Am I right, Kevin?"

"What!? No!"

"Time will tell, I suppose." Edd bagged the marker in a zipper baggie marked 'Evidence.'

Kevin broke into a visible sweat. "Look man, what do I have to do to make this go away? I'll do anything. Name your price."

"You honestly think you can buy me off after what you've done? Ha!"

"Seriously dude! Anything! You like jawbreakers, right? I got a whole garage full of 'em. Experimental flavors! Seriously! You can have 'em all if we just forget about this! Whaddya' say? C'mon, Edd!"

"JAWBREAKERS, EDD!" Eddy's brain leapt from his skull and did a somersault before diving back in. "FREE JAWBREAKERS!" Ed joined in the chorus.

"I told you, Eddy! I don't care about Kevin's jawbreakers!"

"So, whaddya' want? You want tools? I got some awesome tools! C'mon man!"

"No." Edd turned to walk away from his drooling pals and groveling Kevin.

"Dude! Seriously! You're killin' me! I'll be off the team! You can't turn me in! I'm on my knees! Please!"

Edd stopped and slowly turned around. He looked down his nose at Kevin who'd never before looked so pathetic.

"Do you know what I _really_ want?"

"Anything, Dude. Anything."

"I want you to tell Nazz and Marie what you did and apologize."

"EDD! YOU IDIOT!" Eddy was practically in tears. "YOU'VE GOT HIM BY THE BALLS! GO FOR BROKE!"

"Eddy! I said hush!"

"Let's talk about this, okay? How about my bike? Even better! I could totally set you up with some choice sports memorabilia! Signed! It's worth a fortune!"

Edd sighed and shook his head. "I'm sorry it had to come to this, Kevin. I really am." He turned away and continued his walk down the hallway.

"Dude! No! Wait! I'll do it! I'll tell Nazz! Just stop! I'm begging you!" Kevin got up and raced down the hall after Eddward.

"AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGHHHHH!" Eddy let out a few more anguished screams. "KEVIN WAS READY TO GIVE US ANYTHING! HOW COULD YOU?!"

"There-there, friend." Ed patted him on the shoulder.

"Now our only option is the Kankers! God! It's like a never-ending nightmare!"

"If only your brother was here."

"What?" Eddy's eyes widened.

"If only I had a gecko's tail."

"Close enough, Lumpy!" Eddy straddled Ed's back and kick-started his motor. "To the Cul-de-sac!"

"Varoooom-varoom-vroom! Beep-beep!" Ed left tread marks on the floor.

-

"She keeps it in here somewhere! I saw it once!" Eddy rifled sloppily through his mother's kitchen drawers.

"I got some eggs!"

"Not now, Ed! This is important!"

"Cheese?"

"No! Stop it, Ed!"

Eddy kept pulling drawers apart.

"I got this funny thing for crushing garlic."

"We're not makin' pizza, Lumpy! So just…" Eddy looked up and found Ed trying to peel a banana with his mother's address book. "THERE IT IS!"

"What? Where?"

Eddy leapt from the cluttered drawers to the top of Ed's head and snatched the book and banana away from him.

"But Eddy! I'm hungry!"

"You want this?" Eddy whistled and wiggled the banana at Ed. "Is this yours?"

Ed bounced around the kitchen barking and panting like a dog.

"Go get it, Boy!" Eddy tossed the banana into the living room before breaking into a dash for his bedroom. He locked the door and reclined on his bed with his phone. When he found the right number, he broke into a sweat. His last attempt at calling his brother didn't go so well.

The other end of the line rang several times before he picked up. Loud music sounded in the background for a moment.

"_Ronnie, I love ya' but you gotta' gimme' an hour! I'm barely outta' my work clothes_."

"Bro?"

"_Huh? Who's this_?"

"It's Eddy! Your bro!"

"_What? Pipsqueak? What are you callin' for? You in juvie_?"

"No. I just wanna' ask ya' something."

"_Look, I got stuff to do. I can't just be wastin' time on the phone_."

"C'mon Bro! I need your help. Hear me out!"

"_I'm not givin' you money if that's what it is_."

"Nah! Don't be silly. I know that."

"_Alright, you got five minutes. What?_"

"Okay, so there are these three girls. We've been trying all kinds of stuff to get 'em to like us and nothin's working. We need 'em into us by Saturday night."

"_That's pretty short notice, Bro. You like these girls_?"

"I wouldn't say it like that."

"_So, really you're just lookin' to get your rocks off_."

"Is that good?"

Raucous laughter erupted on the other end of the line. "_Are you kidding? My sweet little baby brother's gunnin' for his first poon! I couldn't be prouder! Seriously! You're makin' me misty_!"

"So, can ya' help us out?"

"_Yeah. Sure. Bring 'em by the old Pike Street overpass tomorrow afternoon. I guarantee results, but you gotta' promise me one thing_."

"Really?! I knew I could count on you! Whatcha' need?"

"When you get in there,_ write my name in it_."

"Huh?"

"_You'll see what I mean_."

"Thanks Bro! You're the best!"

"_Don't forget it, Pipsqueak_."

"Hey Bro?"

"_What_?"

"Who's Ronnie?"

'_Click_.'

_

End of Part Thirteen.


End file.
